Dear Feminists, I’m Sorry

Sometimes when I read an article I’m inspired. Other times I’m dumbfounded by America. And a couple times recently I read something that made me sad (which doesn’t happen too often).

To The Women Who Choose Not To Have Kids

“Thank you for not succumbing to the societal pressures. “

“Thank you for not trying to compromise who you are in an effort to keep a partner around.”

“So thank you. It’s not easy to stand firm with your belief. Honestly, truly, and genuinely: thank you.”

I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry

“Every time I hear someone say that feminism is about validating every choice a woman makes I have to fight back vomit.

Do people really think that a stay at home mom is really on equal footing with a woman who works and takes care of herself?”

“If women can do anything, why are we still content with applauding them for doing nothing?”

The rant about how this is not true feminism and how degrading it it for women who choose to have families and those who would like to but can’t could go on forever. But that’s not where this post is heading.

Instead I want to say how sorry I am for women who are so opposed to the notion of children (and married life in general) that they feel the desire to write things like this.

I’m sorry you perhaps have never experienced a joyful family environment. Most people who have could not possibly be so repulsed by families. If you have not experienced crazy dinner conversations that force you  to close the back door so neighbors don’t stare at you weird the next day, then I’m sorry. Especially if you come from a broken family, I’m sorry you missed out.

I’m sorry you find children so disturbing and burdensome. It’s occurred to me how most people probably don’t have experience with kids because families have two kids and then there aren’t more around until you have your own. I count it as a blessing to be part of a “large” family and to have all my babysitting experience gained throughout the years. It’s made me appreciate the sacrifice families make everyday to work together because in the end families are what holds this world together.

In the end, the choice to get married and have kids is yours. Not everyone is capable of being a good parent, so maybe that’s where you’re coming from. But please don’t hate on moms. Moms make so many sacrifices for their kids, and their work is harder than any office job. You try being on call 24/7, not sleeping, worrying about the future, and running a household and then tell me it’s a walk in the park. I don’t think so.

Now I don’t have much authority on the beauty of mother hood since obviously I’m young and not married or anything. But I’ve seen awesome families. And I’ve seen not-so-awesome families. But does that matter so much? When you get to the end of your life, I hardly imagine you’d prefer to lay on your deathbed gazing lovingly at the diplomas on the walls and the million emails you sent around to coworkers. How about having a loving family around you? People who have been there you whole life no matter what you do and the mistakes you made. Families are what holds us together when things go wrong, and they are the people who celebrate every milestone with you as well.

Families rock. And babies rock too.

If you’ve never experienced that, then I’m sorry. You’re missing out. I think it would be harder for you to hate children so much if you ever had the chance to love them.