Gay Marriage: How can love say no?

This post is part of the Love Wins series – a series of posts covering topics within the issue of gay marriage. The goal of these posts is not to convince anyone to think what I think, but to create a conversation and explore the topics together. I am not an authority figure on this issue, and will not always approach this from a highly academic perspective, but am writing as a Catholic young voice seeking the truth. I hope you’ll follow along and be part of the conversation!

Love Wins A series on gay marriage

Let’s start at the very beginning, shall we? You probably know that the Catholic Church teaches that gay marriage is wrong. To kick off this series, I thought it would be good to talk about why.

Before a Catholic wedding, the couple is asked:

“(Name) and (name), have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?”

“Will you honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives?”

“Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?”

The couple then vows to take the other person “to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

Those are pretty big promises if you ask me.

These vows mean that the couple has promised to freely live in unity with the other person through the highs and lows of life while honoring each other and welcoming children (the result of their union) until their marriage bond is broken by one of them dying.

The male and female body, which are made for union with each other, have a language of their own. In the total giving of themselves to each other, they are saying “I am completely yours. You are completely mine. We are one now, and possess a bond forever that is unbreakable.” Naturally, children are a result (barring any struggle with infertility). And this unity is made concrete through the promises made to each other by taking marriage vows.

This is why the Catholic Church cannot, does not, and will not, recognize the union of two people of the same gender as marriage: it is simply impossible.

The female body was not made for union with another female body, and the same for men. It is naturally impossible. This is self evident. It’s not a rule made up by old white guys. It’s biology. The self-giving type of love demanded in a marriage from the Catholic perspective is impossible with two people of the same gender.

Well, so what?

If two people love each other, who cares if they’re able to have kids, right? It’s a legitimate question. But in response, I have to ask: Is the feelings of two consenting adults the only prerequisite to marriage?

The questions couples are asked before the wedding aren’t about their feelings. And that’s for a reason.

It may sounds horribly unromantic, but marriage through the eyes of the Catholic Church isn’t just about living a blissfully sexy life with your chosen partner.

It’s about getting each other to heaven.

THAT is why gay marriage cannot, does not, and will never exist within the Catholic Church.

It’s not because we don’t want people to be in love. It’s because love is about so much more than pleasure.

Now don’t get me wrong. Homosexual couples seeking to have a recognized union aren’t necessarily seeking it solely for pleasure. I’m sure many of them value marriage. And it’s absolutely true that many heterosexual couples out there, even within the Catholic school of thought, seek marriage solely for pleasure’s sake.

That doesn’t make either case right.

The Catholic Church, in her wisdom that is so very hard to understand sometimes, has taught many hard truths since the beginning in regards to love and marriage. And it’s all because life isn’t about getting what we want.

As someone who is writing from a religious understanding, I have to include Jesus’ words that if anyone wants to follow him, we must take up our crosses and follow him. We all desire things that won’t help us get to heaven, things that are disordered. And that’s why we have to pick up the struggles we have in life and run after the only one who can fulfill our heart’s desires.

Maybe your struggle is with homosexual attraction. Maybe it’s an eating disorder. Poor body image. Addiction to porn. Lack of motivation. Loss of loved ones. Debilitating illnesses.

But encountering these struggles and being told “no” to the easy way out doesn’t mean we’re wrong or that your life isn’t worth living. It’s just harder than expected.

You may still be wondering how in the world we can consider this position loving. How can telling someone “no” to a desire so integral to them be okay? How dare we do such a thing?

I’d just like to remind you that the Catholic Church doesn’t single out those with homosexual attraction. She says “no” to sex outside of marriage, divorce, pornography, cohabitation, and contraception. All of this is to help order our love most toward what is good, beautiful and true. This is why anything outside the truth the Catholic Church stands behind is “disordered”, per se, ordered toward something other than what we were made for – another topic for another post.

All of this to say, we love and stand behind the goodness of every human person. We all make mistakes. We all mess up. And gay marriage is one of those things the Church is rather clear about being a mistake. That’s because love hurts sometimes.

Mary put it beautifully when she said recently:

Yes, sometimes love hurts. We don’t go seeking pain in the name of love, but when the pain inevitably comes, it doesn’t mean it’s not real love. It just means that the time to witness to the depth of your love has arrived.

The depth of the love of the Catholic Church says that we don’t always give people what they want. That’s a tough pill to swallow, but love always wins. Stay tuned so we can chat about more topics within the issue!

Connect with me on FacebookTwitterPinterestBloglovin’ or by email to follow along during this series. And help spread the conversation by sharing this post!

Gay Marriage How Can Love Say No A Drop in the Ocean

To Life,


Images via Hartwig HKD and netzanette on Flickr.

Further reading: Considerations regarding proposals to give legal recognition to unions between homosexual persons

The Third Way – how the Catholic Church proposes people with homosexual tendencies approach life

Gay, Catholic, and Doing Fine – why one young, gay, man is in love with the Catholic faith

7 Quick Takes – Vol. 60: On the lighter side

There’s been a lot of serious issues and stories going around lately, so this week I wanted to put together a brief intermission and take a moment to cover less serious happenings. But first!

1. Airing soon will be my first blog series. Get pumped! If all goes well, we will kick off on Monday the 6th. The intention is to create conversation about this highly contentious issue, so please follow my blog via Facebook, Bloglovin’, or email to see the series in real time!

Love Wins A series on gay marriage


2. Now on to lighter things! Someone shared this on Facebook, and I found it intriguing. Sometimes it seems like there’s no single word that perfectly describes a feeling or situation, but maybe I just don’t know enough words.


3. Have you ever seen this video? Because you should.

4. Now how about a feel good story? Here’s one coming your way!

5. And here’s a  funny link: 12 Classic love scenes improved by a Chipotle burrito. Chipotle is quite delicious.

6. Did you know Chick-Fil-A’s Cow Appreciation Day is coming up? Dress like a cow from head to toe on July 14th and you’ll get a free meal! My family did it last year, and it’s straightforward. Free food for dressing like a cow, yes please! Good thing to know: if you dress up partially, you still get a free entree, just not a complete meal. That’s only for people who go all out 🙂

7. And now, back to a quick reminder about this series! After reading so many articles in the last week, I’m excited to elaborate on several topics within the issue. Please join me via Facebook, Bloglovin’, or email to join the conversation.

Love Wins A series on gay marriage

To Life,


P.S. Connect with me on FacebookTwitterPinterestBloglovin’ or by email.


Duck Dynasty and the Hypocrisy of Tolerance

You’ve probably heard by now: the patriarch of Duck Dynasty’s Robertson family, Phil, made some comments about homosexual people and was suspended from the show because of it.

Here’s the original article. Below are the parts including Phil’s statements about homosexual people/behavior.

On immoral behavior in America:

“Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men,” he says. Then he paraphrases Corinthians: “Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers—they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right.”

On loving people:

“We never, ever judge someone on who’s going to heaven, hell. That’s the Almighty’s job. We just love ’em, give ’em the good news about Jesus—whether they’re homosexuals, drunks, terrorists. We let God sort ’em out later, you see what I’m saying?”

Now let’s look at what Phil did not say:

1. I hate gay people.

2. Gay people suck.

3. Gay people are sinners.

4. Ew, gay people.

5. Oh yeah. Did I forget to mention that gay people are terrible, horrible, no-good, and very bad?

Despite the fact that Phil did not communicate any of these statements, these are exactly the sentiments that most articles about this issue are conveying. Why? Because if you’re not a gay-rights activist, you’re a gay-hating bigot. Obviously.

You know what? People need to get over that fact that not everyone thinks the same way and has the same opinions.

Especially in the media we’re bombarded with all the things we’re supposed to be tolerant of, with gay marriage/behavior/etc. being one of them. But I think it’s kind of funny how many things the media themselves are not tolerant of:

1. Catholics, Christians, and pretty much any type of religious person

2. People who subscribe to a set of moral standards

3. People who think differently than what society tells you is right

If the media were truly tolerant, a reporter might have said something like “Oh, that’s interesting.” when Phil made him comments. You report it and move on. But that’s not what happened. If A&E were truly tolerant, it wouldn’t even be a possibility in their minds to suspend the head of their most popular show just because he said something they disagree with. But that’s not what happened. If society were truly tolerant, people who don’t believe in gay marriage would not be called bigots and haters. But that’s not what happens.

In a society where we’re constantly told to be tolerant, I find it interesting that A&E responded to this in such an intolerant way. It goes both ways, folks.



What do you think about the matter? Was Phil rude with what he said? Was A&E justified in their decision? Where do you see Duck Dynasty’s future?

If it makes you happy . . .

It’s almost Thanksgiving, so this should probably be a post about everything I’m thankful for. But it’s not. Because right now I have to say something about this video. It’s short, so give it a quick watch before you read what I have to say:

I’m not surprised by the video at all. It’s actually quite consistent with our society’s perception of bigotry against those in the LGBT community. But here’s what I can’t get over: when people who identify as Catholic like these videos on Facebook, share them, and talk about how we need to be more tolerant of the homosexual lifestyle.

That’s who I’m talking to.

If you’re a Catholic, then here are some things you need to know about gay “marriage”:

1. Gay ‘marriage’ is one of the Church’s 5 non-negotiables.What are those?” you ask. Something many people have never heard of. They are 5 ethical issues (abortion, euthanasia, embryonic stem cell research, human cloning, and homosexual ‘marriage’) which the Church requires her members to refrain from supporting under any circumstance. This means: if you are Catholic, you are bound by Church teaching to not support gay ‘marriage’. Here is an audiobook you can listen to for more on these. Here is an article from a gay Catholic who follows Church teaching.

2. The Catholic Church does not hate homosexual people.NO WAY!” you say. “Prudish Catholics just want gay people to die in a hole because are SINNAHS!” Let me illustrate the Church’s teaching with a quote from the Catechism of the Catholic Church:

“Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.”

Boom bam. Can’t really argue with that one.

3. The Church has a calling for everyone – gay people included – but not necessarily a call to marriage. The Catholic Church stresses each person’s call to holiness (gay people included), which requires different things from different people at different times of their lives. For gay people, their call to holiness requires them to live a celibate lifestyle. Why? Because a Christian marriage is meant to be unitive and procreative. That is impossible with a homosexual couple. That doesn’t mean homosexuals have to go hide in a rock. It just means this:

And finally, I’ve said this beforeLoving someone doesn’t mean you’re okay with them doing whatever they want.

Just because the Church is against gay ‘marriage’ does not mean it hates gay people. The Church is serious about the worth of each and every person, regardless of sexual orientation. I know this is hard for some people to stomach, and I get it. I would highly encourage you to do some further reading on the topic and critically examine what the Church really says – not what society says we say.

It breaks my heart to see people who call themselves Catholic confused by this topic everyday. I’m certainly not an expert on this, but I trust the Church enough to follow her. Do you?



Please share this post with your friends and family – especially the Catholic ones – and tell me what you think below.

Same Love? More like the same call.

One really popular song going around right now is Same Love by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. Have you heard it?

I had heard of it, but had neglected to really listen to it. And since the radio is broken in the car I drive, I didn’t hear it from there. After being reminded of it recently, I decided to look it up and see what it was all about.

Oh boy.

I’m not one to sit down and over-analyze song lyrics, but after listening to this, I was disappointed in the Catholic people I know who are jamming to it and gushing over its message.


This song is basically saying that the love of a gay couple is the same love as all the other love in the world (by comparing it to a mother’s love) and how we just need to let them love each other. But it’s also quite the anti-Catholic and anti-conservative-people song by mocking many of our sentiments. It uses the standard “Catholics hate gay people” mantra to get that point across.

“The right wing conservatives think it’s a decision, And you can be cured with some treatment and religion”

“When I was at church they taught me something else, If you preach hate at the service those words aren’t anointed, That holy water that you soak in has been poisoned”

“And a certificate on paper isn’t gonna solve it all, But it’s a d**n good place to start, No law is gonna change us, We have to change us”

“I might not be the same, but that’s not important, No freedom till we’re equal, d**n right I support it”

The problem?

A quote from Archbishop Fulton Sheen seemed rather appropriate here:

“There are not over a hundred people in the United States who hate the Catholic Church. There are millions, however, who hate what they wrongly believe to be the Catholic Church….As a matter of fact, if we Catholics believed all of the untruths and lies which were said against the Church, we probably would hate the Church a thousand times more than they do.”

You see, the Catholic Church doesn’t actually hate gay people. If it did, I would have a problem with it. Tons of people would. We’re told to love one another and so forth, so that just wouldn’t make sense to discriminate against people based on their sexual orientation.

But guess what?

Loving someone doesn’t mean you’re okay with them doing whatever they want.

Why do parents stop their kids from reaching into the cookie jar for a 5th time? Because it’s not good for them.

What the church teaches is that we were made to love and be loved. Vocations such as marriage are ways to love each other on earth, and to become closer to God. Giving in to human appetites does not help that. The church calls single to people to lives of chastity. The church calls homosexual people to chastity. And guess what? The church even calls married couples to chastity.

Discrimination 101.

You see, by truly loving homosexual people, the Church calls them to live their lives in an ordered approach to their attractions. But it isn’t any different than the call of single people to be abstinent until marriage. And it isn’t different than the call of married couples to remain faithful to their spouse.

It’s not the same love, but it’s all the same call.