The truth about tolerance

July 12, 2015 ~ Laura ~ 2 Comments

This post is part of the Love Wins series – a series of posts covering topics within the issue of gay marriage (post 1, post 2). The goal of these posts is not to convince anyone to think what I think, but to create a conversation and explore the topics together. I am not an authority figure on this issue, and will not always approach this from a highly academic perspective, but am writing as a Catholic young voice seeking the truth. I hope you’ll follow along and be part of the conversation!

People on both sides of the gay marriage debate are guilty of being mean. Plain and simple. Not everyone has been mean about it, but many people (including myself) have probably been guilty of airing an insensitive comment or two.

But this post isn’t about mean people. It’s about learning how to live around people who we disagree with on controversial, emotionally charged, issues. It’s about ordinary people confronted with a tough issue.

Ordinary people don’t usually want people to be mean to them. Nor do they go around looking for opportunities to be mean. However, even people who do their best to NOT say nasty things are accused of being intolerant bigot haters of love these days….or something along those lines. I’m talking mostly about supporters of traditional marriage. But on the flip side, some supporters of gay marriage have been subject to untrue accusations as well.

We all mostly want the world to be harmonious place, right? So it makes sense that we get mad at people who mess up our perfect plan for the world.

But we can and do broadcast our opinions and beliefs on worldwide platforms. It kind of makes me scratch my head when people start crying that someone disagrees with them after taking a stand for something. And it makes me sad that people are personally offended when a view other than their own is shared.

The thing is, putting your opinion out there is not inherently mean.

Having an opinion or belief does not mean you automatically hate people who don’t share your belief.

In the aftermath of the recent supreme court decision, I saw a friend post a lovely response article. And someone else literally commented “You are intolerant”. Like, what? Is having an opinion intolerant?

Or am I just expected to keep my mouth shut when I believe in something?

And what does tolerance even mean?

Many people use it to mean “accepting behaviors you disagree with as as good for other people, even if you think they’re wrong”. It’s used as a synonym for agreement these days. If I don’t agree with a gay marriage supporter’s view, I’m a bigot, right? Well, no.

Case in point:

“We’ve redefined tolerance to mean never disagreeing. The real definition of tolerance is first disagreeing and then putting up with the people you disagree with. You have to disagree to start being tolerant.”

I have my beliefs because they are true to the best of my knowledge. And you know what? We all have different beliefs. We don’t all agree. And that’s part of life. We have to put up with it. To strive to live together regardless of differing beliefs is what tolerance is all about. It’s not about agreeing with each other.

So here we are with different beliefs. I think you’re wrong about some things. You probably think I’m wrong about lots of things.

We don’t have to agree with each other.

But what we are obligated to do is to love each other anyway.

Every single person, regardless of beliefs, is worthy of respect and love. Nothing can change that. No matter what. Even when we have polar opposite beliefs. Our behavior should go beyond tolerance, even. I should not only tolerate you. I should love you. I want to love you, even if it’s hard. I want to be able to know and love people who are different than me, because love wins.

I’m not going to agree with everyone on everything, but love isn’t about agreeing. It’s about accepting a person as a creature with inherent dignity that nothing can change. I don’t have to accept your beliefs to love you. And I don’t have to share your position on gay marriage to be friends.

Tolerance is about doing your best to live in peace with people you are at odds with. I truly hope as our country moves forward that we can do a better job on ALL sides of keeping the peace.

We’ll talk more about this in an upcoming post on distinguishing between a person and an issue. Until then:

Connect with me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Bloglovin’ or by email to follow along during this series. And help spread the conversation by sharing this post!

To Life,

Images via Hartwig HKD on Flickr.

I love you, but I disagree with your lifestyle. What now?

July 11, 2015July 11, 2015 ~ Laura ~ 3 Comments

This post is part of the Love Wins series – a series of posts covering topics within the issue of gay marriage. (First post here.) The goal of these posts is not to convince anyone to think what I think, but to create a conversation and explore the topics together. I am not an authority figure on this issue, and will not always approach this from a highly academic perspective, but am writing as a Catholic young voice seeking the truth. I hope you’ll follow along and be part of the conversation!

One of the biggest challenges facing people who believe marriage is between one man and one women is how to support and love people who are directly affected by our beliefs. Where do we draw the line between loving people with homosexual tendencies, and going too far in implying that we support a lifestyle we don’t agree with?

Here are a few tips for trying to balance disagreeing with life choices and loving people who make them:

1. Love everyone, regardless of sexual orientation, race, gender, religion, etc.

Just because someone is sexually attracted to someone of the same doesn’t mean they’re less human or less deserving of respect. We have to remember that everyone should be treated with love no matter what, because nothing can take away our dignity as human beings.

2. Be conscious of how you’re being asked to participate in other people’s lives.

If I had a friend moving in with her boyfriend, I wouldn’t give them a housewarming gift because I don’t support cohabitation. It’s not because I don’t love them or want them to have a beautiful home. I just won’t support their lifestyle because I believe it’s wrong. Same with gay marriage. If I’m ever asked to attend a gay marriage ceremony, I will not attend or give a wedding gift. It’s not because I don’t love those people, but I can’t bestow my support of their lifestyle on them by supporting their union. Be conscious of what you’re being asked to do, and choose wisely.

3. Be clear in loving people that you love and support them as human beings, but not their lifestyle.

It’s important to be careful how we articulate our beliefs in these situations. They’ll know we are Christians by our love, right? We have to respond to invitations and questions remembering that every person possesses an innate dignity and is worthy of love and respect. But at the same time, we have to stick to our beliefs. Sugarcoating issues never helps us get down to the nitty gritty of loving people where they’re at.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church tells us in paragraph 2358 that “They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided.” But what do we accept? And what’s going too far?

Perhaps we need to be a bit more explicit here. What exactly can and can’t we do?

welcome homosexual friends into your life
treat people with homosexual tendencies with the same respect as any other person
both of the above, even if they have partners
be gracious in conversation with homosexual friends
educate yourself so you can correct misconceptions
be open to talking about the truth about love and marriage
be a witness to the challenge and joy of being a Catholic/Christian, even when it’s hard (because you might be the only Bible someone ever reads)
listen to the struggles people with homosexual tendencies experience

DON’T

tell homosexual friends they’re going to hell (because we can’t know that)
focus on your friends sexual orientation
downplay that living the truth about love and marriage can be hard
attend a gay marriage ceremony
provide supplies for a gay marriage ceremony
perform a gay marriage ceremony
have an agenda to convert every single homosexual person to church teaching

And this is where it gets harder. If you have homosexual friends with partners, and they have kids, how do you handle your kids being friends? Depending on their age, that might be difficult to explain to your child why their friend has two mommies or daddies. Does that mean they can’t be friends? No! A parent’s choice doesn’t diminish the dignity of their child.

But it does mean we have to make careful choices as to the activities we participate in.

To be honest, there’s no clear cut answer as to what exactly we can and cannot do when it gets down to the nitty gritty. I expect it will be clarified more as the Church learns how to respond to this. But for now, we’re going to have to take this mostly on a case by case basis.

It’s hopefully easy to understand why I wouldn’t attend a gay marriage ceremony. That clearly sends a message of support for the union, which is not an option. And I’m not going to consciously encourage people to sin. But the day to day questions are harder. When these situations do come up, I highly recommend going to a trusted, wiser, friend – or even better, a priest! – if you need help discerning what to do.

There are differing opinions on what we can and cannot do, even among the Catholic school of thought. But in the end, we’re all people, regardless of our race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, or lifestyle choices. Nothing can change our inherent dignity. Nothing can change the fact that we are people worthy of the utmost love and respect. People with homosexual attraction are no exception.

Connect with me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Bloglovin’ or by email to follow along during this series. And help spread the conversation by sharing this post!

Are there any situations that have come up in your life you’re wondering about? How did you handle them? How can we concretely show our love of a person without supporting their lifestyle?

To Life,

Images via Hartwig HKD and Nicolas Alejandro on Flickr.

Gay Marriage: How can love say no?

July 10, 2015July 10, 2015 ~ Laura ~ 4 Comments

This post is part of the Love Wins series – a series of posts covering topics within the issue of gay marriage. The goal of these posts is not to convince anyone to think what I think, but to create a conversation and explore the topics together. I am not an authority figure on this issue, and will not always approach this from a highly academic perspective, but am writing as a Catholic young voice seeking the truth. I hope you’ll follow along and be part of the conversation!

Let’s start at the very beginning, shall we? You probably know that the Catholic Church teaches that gay marriage is wrong. To kick off this series, I thought it would be good to talk about why.

Before a Catholic wedding, the couple is asked:

“(Name) and (name), have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?”

“Will you honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives?”

“Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?”

The couple then vows to take the other person “to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

Those are pretty big promises if you ask me.

These vows mean that the couple has promised to freely live in unity with the other person through the highs and lows of life while honoring each other and welcoming children (the result of their union) until their marriage bond is broken by one of them dying.

The male and female body, which are made for union with each other, have a language of their own. In the total giving of themselves to each other, they are saying “I am completely yours. You are completely mine. We are one now, and possess a bond forever that is unbreakable.” Naturally, children are a result (barring any struggle with infertility). And this unity is made concrete through the promises made to each other by taking marriage vows.

This is why the Catholic Church cannot, does not, and will not, recognize the union of two people of the same gender as marriage: it is simply impossible.

The female body was not made for union with another female body, and the same for men. It is naturally impossible. This is self evident. It’s not a rule made up by old white guys. It’s biology. The self-giving type of love demanded in a marriage from the Catholic perspective is impossible with two people of the same gender.

Well, so what?

If two people love each other, who cares if they’re able to have kids, right? It’s a legitimate question. But in response, I have to ask: Is the feelings of two consenting adults the only prerequisite to marriage?

The questions couples are asked before the wedding aren’t about their feelings. And that’s for a reason.

It may sounds horribly unromantic, but marriage through the eyes of the Catholic Church isn’t just about living a blissfully sexy life with your chosen partner.

It’s about getting each other to heaven.

THAT is why gay marriage cannot, does not, and will never exist within the Catholic Church.

It’s not because we don’t want people to be in love. It’s because love is about so much more than pleasure.

Now don’t get me wrong. Homosexual couples seeking to have a recognized union aren’t necessarily seeking it solely for pleasure. I’m sure many of them value marriage. And it’s absolutely true that many heterosexual couples out there, even within the Catholic school of thought, seek marriage solely for pleasure’s sake.

That doesn’t make either case right.

The Catholic Church, in her wisdom that is so very hard to understand sometimes, has taught many hard truths since the beginning in regards to love and marriage. And it’s all because life isn’t about getting what we want.

As someone who is writing from a religious understanding, I have to include Jesus’ words that if anyone wants to follow him, we must take up our crosses and follow him. We all desire things that won’t help us get to heaven, things that are disordered. And that’s why we have to pick up the struggles we have in life and run after the only one who can fulfill our heart’s desires.

Maybe your struggle is with homosexual attraction. Maybe it’s an eating disorder. Poor body image. Addiction to porn. Lack of motivation. Loss of loved ones. Debilitating illnesses.

But encountering these struggles and being told “no” to the easy way out doesn’t mean we’re wrong or that your life isn’t worth living. It’s just harder than expected.

You may still be wondering how in the world we can consider this position loving. How can telling someone “no” to a desire so integral to them be okay? How dare we do such a thing?

I’d just like to remind you that the Catholic Church doesn’t single out those with homosexual attraction. She says “no” to sex outside of marriage, divorce, pornography, cohabitation, and contraception. All of this is to help order our love most toward what is good, beautiful and true. This is why anything outside the truth the Catholic Church stands behind is “disordered”, per se, ordered toward something other than what we were made for – another topic for another post.

All of this to say, we love and stand behind the goodness of every human person. We all make mistakes. We all mess up. And gay marriage is one of those things the Church is rather clear about being a mistake. That’s because love hurts sometimes.

Mary put it beautifully when she said recently:

“Yes, sometimes love hurts. We don’t go seeking pain in the name of love, but when the pain inevitably comes, it doesn’t mean it’s not real love. It just means that the time to witness to the depth of your love has arrived.“

The depth of the love of the Catholic Church says that we don’t always give people what they want. That’s a tough pill to swallow, but love always wins. Stay tuned so we can chat about more topics within the issue!

Connect with me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Bloglovin’ or by email to follow along during this series. And help spread the conversation by sharing this post!

To Life,

Images via Hartwig HKD and netzanette on Flickr.

Further reading: Considerations regarding proposals to give legal recognition to unions between homosexual persons

The Third Way – how the Catholic Church proposes people with homosexual tendencies approach life

Gay, Catholic, and Doing Fine – why one young, gay, man is in love with the Catholic faith

Why I don’t want a woman on a dollar bill

June 20, 2015June 20, 2015 ~ Laura ~ 2 Comments

Like many of my fellow human beings, I strongly believe in the equal value of men and women. But I don’t think a woman should be put on a dollar bill just because she’s a woman.

There’s nothing wrong with a woman being on a bill. There’s nothing wrong with men being on bills. It makes sense that the historical figures presently on bills are the major figures of their day (ie. men). It would be neat, of course, to recognize the contributions women have made to our history by putting them on a dollar bill, but here’s why I wouldn’t want it to happen by taking men off bills:

I don’t want any sort of benefit given to me just because I’m a woman. And I don’t think any woman deserves special treatment for the sole reason of her being female.

Now don’t get me wrong. My beliefs about the roles of men and women are quite traditional. In fact, I appreciate when guys open the door and act like gentlemen. I’ve come to expect that of guys, because I expect guys to be decent. Please guys, don’t stop that!

What I’m saying is that the motivation matters. If you open the door because you think I am a delicate flower incapable of opening it myself, you’ve got another thing coming. However, if you open it out of respect for another human being in a gentlemen-ly way, thank you. That is awesome, and I congratulate you on being a considerate guy. I consider any guy who opens a door to be a gentlemen until or unless proven otherwise. And I would expect nothing less than a polite response from my fellow ladies. It’s how we return a kind gesture in a considerate way.

Many people think it’s considerate and awesome to replace a guy with a woman on a dollar bill. I think it’s dumb to put a woman there just because she’s a woman. If she did something awesome and deserves recognition, great. If not, there’s no reason to hand the spot to her solely because she’s a woman.

Many people think women are underrepresented in high-profile careers. I think it’s dumb to say a woman should have a certain job just because she’s a woman. If she’s a good candidate who meets the job requirements, great. If not, there’s no reason to hand the job to her solely because she’s a woman.

Many people lament how we need more women serving our country in the military. I think it’s dumb that standards would be lessened to allow more women to serve who are not at the same level as other members of the military. If she is capable of the physical feats of her fellow soldiers, great. If not, there’s no reason to hand her that position solely because she’s a woman.

I wouldn’t want just a woman put on a dollar bill. Go ahead, put a historical figure, a person who made a contribution to our country. But don’t degrade women by just sticking someone on there for the heck of it because golly gee, we need someone who’s female!

Fulton Sheen said “equality is wrong when it reduces the woman to a poor imitation of a man.”

Women are not poor imitations of men. We are not the next best thing. We are freaking awesome, unique, creatures with complementary but not identical characteristics to men.

You may think we need women in certain positions in the world or on dollar bills, but consider this: do you think women need to be in those places just to prove they can do the same things as men? Or could we just step back and recognize that women don’t have to do the same things as men for us to recognize that we have equal value?

Think about it.

To Life,

P.S. Connect with me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Bloglovin’ or by email.

P.P.S. Good to see other people are thinking similarly!

Choosing Awesome

June 4, 2015 ~ Laura ~ Leave a comment

With all this talk about becoming a saint lately, I figured I better actually get started on that. It’s hard to know where to start when you decide to really chuck bad habits out the window and develop better ones.

But the important thing is to just get started.

These last couple weeks I’ve started by taking a few incremental steps to clear my head and get priorities straight. Here’s a taste of what that’s looked like:

1. Silence in the car going to/from work.

This isn’t to take joy out of life by not turning on music, but to give myself time to not be entertained, to actually think or just be. Yes, sometimes I turn into my own radio. But mostly I am quiet and just enjoy the scenery. I am capable of giving up 20 minutes of being distracted each day.

2. No laptop after 9pm.

Right now there are no excuses for not getting enough sleep. I realized that reading articles (or other “constructive” ventures) was a big part of my staying up late, so BAM. Get rid of the cause. I am capable of doing things beside being on the internet late at night.

3. Exercise consistently.

Okay, do you know how awesome it is to be sore? It makes me feel like a boss to know I worked hard. And it’s good for my health, go figure. I don’t work out to get a bikini body because I wouldn’t ever wear one, but I do work out to be healthy and strong. I am capable of devoting 30+ minutes of most days to exercising.

4. Get up earlier.

I was chatting with a few friends, and we all were talking about wanting to get up earlier. So guess what? We decided to get up earlier. Go figure! We text motivational quotes on weekday mornings. And I have a daily meditation book my goal is to whip out every morning. Even though I’ve fallen back asleep while reading it a couple times, I am capable of getting up (and staying up) at a reasonably early hour.

That’s not everything, but enough for now.

What’s made each of these possible is to get over whatever silly excuses and just do it. It’s true, that’s not terribly motivational. Who in the world wants to put in the effort? Who wants to force themselves to do good things instead of what’s easy?

Yeah, not many people.

It’s true for me too. Binge watching a tv show is way easier than flipping on a workout DVD and getting down to business. Lounging on the couch reading Buzzfeed articles and eating cookies is way easier than using internet time intentionally.

But if we’re being honest with ourselves, don’t those things leave us terribly unsatisfied?

I am satisfied at the end of the day when I can look back and know I tried, that I gave my all. And that only happens when I make an intentional effort – when I choose awesome. That is something each of us is capable of doing.

So, let’s do it. What are you going to do to take that first step and change things you want to change? Those little things add up, my friend! Tell me, and let’s help each other out!

Today, let’s choose awesome.

To Life,

Connect with me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Bloglovin’ or by email to follow along during this series. And help spread the conversation by sharing this post!

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Connect with me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Bloglovin’ or by email to follow along during this series. And help spread the conversation by sharing this post!

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Connect with me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Bloglovin’ or by email to follow along during this series. And help spread the conversation by sharing this post!

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P.S. Connect with me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Bloglovin’ or by email.

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