"We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop." ~ Blessed Mother Teresa
A year ago I was paining over finals for the last time. My future was so uncertain. But then all of a sudden, I had a job, graduated, and roadtripped home. Now it’s been just about a year since graduating college.
Work started 4 days later, and though it was a lot to adjust to, I’ve learned. Most of my prior job experience was summer internships, so it’s an odd and nice thing to be committed to a long term job. I moved closer to work in October. And since then life has just been plugging along.
I heard lots of people talk about how hard the transition into realadulthood can be. But honestly, I was already living in an apartment before graduating, paying for groceries, and taking care of myself. Being self sufficient isn’t hard for me.
What I have found extremely strange is how boring this season of life can be.
Since college was halfway across the country, friends and organizations didn’t come back with me. I loved living with four other people (and some honorary roommates who frequented our place). I was constantly busy doing something. At first it was going to ALL the things freshman year. Then I led the campus pro-life group for the next two years. Senior year I’d passed on the head role and participated by receiving requests for baby items I then delivered to families around town. I taught CCD and helped a mom out once a week, more than occasionally got up at 4:30am on Saturdays to be on the sidewalk outside the nearest abortion facility, and always had an assignment or project to work on. There was always something.
Now I go to work and come home.
For the first time in my life, I’ve had huge amounts of time where there’s absolutely nothing I’m expected to complete and no one to report to. It is weird and wonderful. Mostly weird.
I feel a certain sense of responsibility to spend my time well. But oh my goodness is that HARD. I can’t just walk across campus to adoration. I don’t know families near me I can go help. Places don’t respond when I ask about volunteering. Church doesn’t have much for young adults. Life isn’t what it used to be, and I have to rebuild with new people, places, and things.
Even though I’m somewhat of an introvert, it is incredibly tiresome to have so much time to myself. Who knows how long this season of life with so much stillness and quiet will last. While it does, I want to give my time away. It’s too boring keeping it to myself.
So what am I going to do about it?
My sister and I hosted a Blessed Brunch, and have had people over. I joined a gym recently and rediscovered my love of group exercise classes. Perhaps the Etsy store I’ve thought of for months will finally launch. The sky’s the limit. So one awkward get together at a time and attempt at building life all over again, it’ll happen. It takes a lot of patience and wow-I’ve-tried-that-and-will-never-do-it-again, but it’ll happen.
And just like other times in life, I’ll look back and smile, realizing life was happening, all of a sudden and all along.
Do you have any words of wisdom for people in this season of life? I’d love to hear from you!
Growing up in the Bay Area, I knew drivers around here were a little cray cray. But I did not come to fully appreciate the true depth of the California driver brand until I went to college in Kansas and realized some people actually kind of follow the rules of the road. These people may move out of the right hand lane when cars are pulled over and sometimes wave at you just because (I know, what?!). Anyone who visits this great state (or big cities in general) might be a bit shocked upon witnessing our driving. So I thought I’d throw together a little how-to in case you ever need this vital information.
Here are 7 commandments to follow if you want to become a true California driver (or more specifically, Bay Area, because every area has their special brand of crazy):
1. Thou shalt lose thy s#!% at the sign of any type of inclement weather.
Which in California includes rain and . . . yeah, rain. Maybe fog if you live close to the coast? Let’s be real, guys. It can ruin your hair, AND HAVE YOU HEARD OF HYDROPLANING?! You need to go at LEAST 33mph under the speed limit for a drizzle, and slow to a crawl for anything heavier. It’s basically this, except in cars:
2. Thou shalt chillax in the left-most lane at 29 mph under the speed limit to teach those entitled speed limit breakers a lesson.
This is especially advisable if you’re driving a Prius or electric vehicle. Oh! And while you’re at it- don’t pay attention to the carpool lane rules.
3. Thou shalt significantly reduce speed and gawk at any unusual sights near the road.
This includes accidents, tow trucks, fallen branches, and rabbits. The best technique is to brake abruptly so you’re going slow enough to get the low-down on the situation. As soon as it’s out of sight and you’ve backed up traffic enough so evvvveryone can stop and see, resume normal highway speeds.
4. Thou shalt work thyself into road rage when traffic is slow and let others know about it by revving your engine and speeding in a zig-zag through said traffic, slamming your brakes only occasionally enough to narrowly avoid an accident.
When in doubt, resort to lightsabers.
Bonus points if you’re driving an expensive car because then everyone know you mean BUSINESS. There’s also the option of flashing your brights to shine some light into the souls of people who annoy you. Weaving in and out of cars on the road is an art. So release your inner Bob Ross.
5. Thou shalt not learn how to merge.
How does it work? One car from their lane to every two in mine? Big spaces between each other? Who knows! Who cares! Go when you want and don’t look.
6. Thou shalt catch up on social media and texts while driving.
Seriously, when was the last time you texted your Grandma? She is overdue for some love from you! Driving is the perfect time to check your notifications. Bonus points if you can do Facebook live or an Insta-story about the latest political upheaval without rear ending the person in front of you. And if you do hit ’em? You will get tons of responses and shares and followers so yay!
7. Thou shalt basically do whatever you want on the road. It’s about getting from point A to point B, not what happens in between.
So let your hair down and get there! Drive on the shoulder if there are too many people in your way. You got places to BE for crying out loud! And if the people turning in front of you weren’t fast enough during a green light, just go during the red one. People will avoid a collision. Most of the time. Talking and yelling at other drivers is also awesome, especially if you use the universal Italian hand signal.
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Okay, but in all seriousness, I’m glad to have only been involved in one real accident in my life (plus a recent person who rear ended me with no damage). I’ve come very close to increasing that number more times than I care to count, but thankfully haven’t yet. And no, I’m not claiming innocence from doing some of these crazy things myself. This is a crazy area to drive in, but it’s kind of nice that this is where I learned. I just expect people to be crazy and un-courteous.
I also pray the rosary going to work each morning, so that helps me take deep breaths and enjoy the scenery instead of swearing. And I’m giving away an identical rosary CD! Because I have two. Would you like it? I prefer a CD over an app so that I’m not messing with my phone. It’s a simple version (just the prayers, no meditations), and their voices are thankfully not annoying or too slow.
To enter, leave me a comment about driving! Do you have a lovely commute? What crazy things do people do while driving in your area? Have a pro tip for other drivers? A funny story? One comment/entry per person. I’ll choose a winner at random on Sunday, so leave your comment by noon pacific.
I don’t usually post about work, but I am today because it’s a #DayWithoutWomen at some workplaces. This campaign was created to encourage women to go on strike from both paid and unpaid work today to “demand justice” in honor of International Women’s Day. But I’m not going on strike today. I commuted in just like normal, and will leave just like normal right before the sun sets.
There are lots of interesting things I do in my work for the Catholic publisher #Iworkfor. I get to bring my faith to countless people while earning a living. This is #whyiwork
I am so grateful for the stay at home and work from home women and moms out there who do the valuable work of raising families in loving homes. Maybe I’ll do that one day. I’m also grateful for the women in workplaces making a difference in that way. I’m grateful that I have a full time job to support myself. And I wouldn’t disrespect the women who came before me by sticking it to the people who gave me a job.
On this #DayWithoutAWoman, I just wanted to encourage you to show up. Like Edith Stein said,
“’The world doesn’t need what women have. It needs what women are.”
It needs us, and whatever our unique personality brings to the world. It needs our compassion, our creativity, our knowledge, our passion, our empathy, and our perspectives. The world needs us to be there in the office, in homes, hospitals, schools, laboratories, studios, and wherever we are.
“The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”
So wherever that is right now, give it your all. Show up. Work hard. Be a strong and brave example. Demand change when necessary, of course.
And know that you are needed for who you are, not what you do. Going on strike to make people miss you takes away the unique and unrepeatable gift you have to offer. Give. Love. Show up.
[I posted this on Instagram earlier, but it was so long I thought I’d put it here too.]
I don’t know about you, but my head has felt on the verge of exploding lately. Like many millennials, I’m on social media and enjoy the interaction. But scrolling through Facebook makes me feel restless, and often frustrated with the world (especially lately). I know I’m not the only one who feels like that, because many acquaintances have recently decided to delete various accounts.
But don’t freak out! I’m not suggesting we all up and leave social media and form a compound where we can create a perfect world. In fact, I think we should keep our social media accounts. Here’s why.
We’re called to be artisans of culture.
Now I can’t for the life of me remember who said that. I think it was JPII, but can’t find a reference. Anyway, how are we supposed to promote the good parts of our culture and challenge the bad parts if we run away from it? We have to be in the world, just not of the world. Unless your vocation is to join a cloistered religious community, chances are we’re going to have to continue dealing with whatever the world throws at us. So we might as well be smart and informed about it.
BUT, being informed doesn’t mean we have to know everything about everything.
We’re plugged into news 24/7. It’s easy to get sucked into that and scroll through Facebook or Instagram until 1am (*AHEM* ask me how I know). I think we have to remember that’s not a requirement. We can put our phones down. And it’s okay to not know every single pop culture reference. Trying to stay up on everything is just too much. Has there ever been a time before this when people knew about every single world event within minutes? No! It’s a recent development with the internet.
Trying to stay on top of every single thing makes me feel insane. So here are a few specific things I find helpful to maintaining sanity:
1. Create a morning routine where checking your notifications isn’t first.
Have you noticed how much this sets the tone for your day? I find that if I ignore my phone before work and make intentional time to pray in the morning, life is just better. If you struggle with this too, you could try using an old fashioned alarm clock instead of your phone so that it’s not the first thing you reach for. Or you could disable wifi and data until later in the day.
2. Pick and choose who you follow and what you click when you’re digesting your newsfeeds.
I sorted my Facebook friends into three lists: family, school friends, and then other people I care about seeing things from. Instead of just scrolling my newsfeed, I click on the friend list and only see things from that group of people. This means I don’t see updates from a lot of my “friends”. When I’m being smart and actually follow my own rule here, I don’t see updates from pages on Facebook either. I don’t really care about many pages I liked in the past, so it’s a win for my sanity.
On Instagram, I don’t automatically follow people who follow me. I’m following a little over 100 people right now, and have been needing to narrow that down.
One feature that helps with this is the “save” option on Facebook. When I see something interesting during the day, I usually save it for later instead of clicking and reading it then. When I have time to look at it later, it often isn’t interesting enough to read. Win for my sanity! Be ruthless about what you choose to click. If there are people or pages that ruin your sanity, just unfollow them. #SorryNotSorry
3. When something makes you mad on social media, stop and think before you respond.
Did your distant relative just post something stupid about Trump? How about vaccines and global warming and religion and politics and all the other things that make people mad. It’s okay to not engage, especially when we know the person isn’t interested in actual dialogue. Will this conversation bring both of you to a deeper understanding of each other or the issue? Think before you type. And I’m telling myself that too (LOL so much). I’ve participated in my share of Facebook debates and know how they can go…
4. Find things offline that refresh you and bring you joy.
I enjoy cooking and reading and have been loving local trails for hiking. I met some new friends at a brunch recently, and have been learning calligraphy. So fun! Things like this always refresh me and restore my hope in the world. Find what does that for you.
5. Whatever you do right before bed, make sure it’s offline.
. . . to which we all cackle, because who doesn’t check their phone before trying to sleep. Guilty as charged. But I have to say: putting away my phone, laptop, and tv for a while before bed makes me feel so much more refreshed than scrolling till my eyes droop. Try journaling, praying, reading, or something creative.
Our culture has some major problems, but I don’t think the solution is to run away. Please stay on social media to the degree that you can keep you sanity! The world needs your reasonable voice to challenge it. And we need to protect our sanity so we can be those reasonable voices. Let’s transform our culture together.
[But first, coffee. We gotta stay sane, right? 😉 ]
How do you keep your peace in the age of social media? Have any tips or tricks?
Have you seen all the memes about finally waving adieu to 2016? Most people seem to be counting down to saying goodbye to an eventful year. It’s certainly been quite a year for me, with lots of changes and things I haven’t blogged about. So for posterity’s sake, and because I miss this place, here’s what 2016 looked like for me.
January
The end of Christmas break saw me going back to Kansas for my final semester of college. I was beyond excited to be done with formal schooling. But at the same time, there’s so much to say goodbye to when college ends. I can now tell you that it’s quite possible to be crazy excited and terrified at the same time.
For the fourth time in college, we packed up a ginormous group of people to head to the March for Life in D.C.
Buuuuuut then the morning of the March we turned around and headed back to Kansas early in order to beat a crazy huge storm. It was a hard call to make for our bus company and group leaders. Ultimately, though, I think it was a good decision. The road we had to take heading west was the road many buses got stranded on just hours after us.
February
I treasured many “lasts” of college as the semester went on. At the same time (late Feb/early March??), I discovered that the job I had expected to step into after college was not going to happen. It hadn’t been for sure, but this made the next couple months crunch time to find a job. I was not keen on the idea of graduating without a next step. Anyway, you can imagine what that’s like for someone who likes to plan.
My role in the campus pro-life group senior year was receiving calls from families in need in our town and then delivering items directly to those moms and babies. That was such an enriching experience. I got to literally meet people where they were at and help them through more materially difficult times than I’ve ever experienced. I am so glad that I stepped back from being President that school year to work hands-on with people who needed us. I spent many Saturday mornings outside the closest abortion facility too.
March
I had a lovely spring break trip with some of my college girlfriends in snowy Colorado mountains. We went inner tubing and just had a blast. The job search continued. And I passed my senior comprehensive exam. Thank you, sweet Baby Jesus.
April
Things started to get REAL at this point with impending graduation. Applying for jobs got old fast. I do not envy anyone who is job searching, because at least in my experience, it was horrible. There’s the hope of seeing new opportunities and then after submitting your application you never hear back. I actually really appreciated the rejections I received, because at least it was an answer.
Part of the reason this was such a struggle for me is because with my Business Management degree, I was going to be qualified for any number of jobs in the business world. I know I am capable of doing much in the business world. And going home to Silicon Valley you might think that was my ambition. But I didn’t want to work in the corporate business world. To me it felt cold and impersonal and basically purgatory on earth. In my opinion it’s driven too much by money and other things I don’t care about. I wanted to work with non profits that were either related to my faith or the pro-life cause.
Though I didn’t have a next step yet, I started throwing away paperwork and notes from classes that I didn’t need anymore. Sweet freedom was on the horizon.
On campus our Memorial of the Unborn was unveiled. This was such a wonderful moment for the campus pro-life group, because students had been working on the project and raising money for it for many years. There had been many setbacks, and I was so proud to see it finally installed after much hard work.
It’s in a memorial garden in a nice spot on campus. Here’s what the statue looks like (with some rain on it). The rock wall behind it is a great height to sit and think, and it’s right off of a walkway with a bench directly across from it.
We hosted a baby item drive where all proceeds go to the ministry I was managing of helping local families. It was wonderfully successful and made me happy to leave the ministry in good hands with resources to work with.
May
Toward the end of April (I think – sometime around here), I started facing the reality that it didn’t look like I was going to be working in the fields I was most interested in. And I was like “FINE, GOD, IF YOU SAY SO”. Letting go looks much more like that sometimes than a feel-good Hallmark movie. It felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff and had no idea what was coming. I applied for many jobs that in my opinion looked lame because it was time to be an adult even if what happened wasn’t ideal.
Then all of a sudden, life worked out.
In the couple weeks leading up to graduation, I had interviews with both a prominent pro-life organization and Ignatius Press where I work now. It’s funny because I had sent my resume to IP about 6 weeks prior to this, I think. They didn’t have any job listings up, but I figured it didn’t hurt to send my resume around and see what happened. Since one of their staff members was moving on at the end of May, they contacted me. And two days before graduation (I kid you not), it was official. My goal all along was to have a job before graduation. Of course it would have been nice for things to work out a couple months prior. But I just had to laugh at the way it turned out. God is good. And I had a next step after graduating.
I graduated a said bittersweet goodbye’s. At some point I’ll have to write more about college. My cap said “Believe there is good in the world“.
Then I moved home to California, started training for work 4 days later, bought a car and BAM. I am officially a real adult.
There’s a lot that goes into big transitions like this, and I felt that. Work was a steep learning curve at first. Taking public transportation was a nightmare the first few days before I got the car. But I have a job and I was thankful.
June – September
I adjusted to my new normal, which included a commute of about 1:40 or so each way. Fortunately driving the hills of San Francisco was just fine. After school started (for OTHER people, mwahahaha), it took over 2 hours to get to work in the morning. I listened to Catholic radio, said the rosary, sometimes jammed to music, and avoided accidents in crazy Bay Area traffic.
My first nephew was born and I visited him (and my sister and brother in law) and summer was great. My other older sister and I began looking for an apartment together once both of us had things in order. That was an interesting process!
October
We found a place, were accepted, and moved at the beginning of the month. It really had only taken a couple weeks of intense looking, visiting, and applying to find the right place, but it felt super long. The hardest part was finding something affordable, because local market price is about $3,500/mo for rent. Thankfully we found something under that and have enjoyed it ever since. One of my favorite walls is this gallery wall I’ve been slowly adding to:
Craigslist has come in handy for many furniture pieces, including that awesome chair and bookshelf 🙂 The crucifix is one of my favorite parts, and this phrase from Mama T.
November – December
Since then life has been moving along as per usual. We had a pretty crazy election. If you’re wondering how I voted, you can read this. Oh yeah, my transmission failed right before Thanksgiving (THANKS semi-new car). That was fun! Thankfully it was under warranty.
It’s nice to have my own place and a job to learn from. But I definitely miss the hustle and bustle of everything I did in college. It was so easy to pop across campus for this or that activity and go to events and volunteer my time. The world is so much bigger and takes being much more intentional now. I’m still looking for volunteer opportunities and social groups and figuring out good ways to spend my time. Oh! One awesome way I’ve spent some time is exploring trails around here. There are so many and I love them.
Can you believe this has no filter? It’s sooo beautiful in the hills where I live.
It’s been a year of figuring things out, making lots of decisions, and taking big steps into the world. I am thankful for much and looking forward to whatever the new year brings.
Did you make it this far? Congratulations, that was was long. Cheers to 2016! How was yours?
A Drop in the Ocean 