Transgender feelings don’t trump my safety

As someone who tries to keep up on current events, much of what I read makes me stop and question the state of our world. I used to routinely express my disgust by posting snarky Facebook posts and ranting about whatever the latest story was. But that takes away my peace. That was lots of fun, but I’m trying hard to not do that anymore.

I still get mad about the stories . . .

The bills that are passed (or not).

The misrepresentations of my faith.

I still rant in my head, or sometimes with friends. But I generally try to not post rants online because I don’t think it helps people understand my beliefs. I don’t think it opens the door to conversation. And I know complaining about things I can’t change isn’t helpful.

But that’s led to me not addressing a lot of current events. And I’m not okay with that. We’re supposed to be in the world. Not of it, completely. But as a Catholic wanting to spice things up and show people the awesomeness I’ve found in my faith, I can’t do that by keeping quiet.

So things are going to change! The plan is to use this space to share how I approach different issues in light of my Catholic faith. I want to think through how to respond to the issues we’re facing. Will you join me? Ask questions that come up, and always feel free to contact me if you’re not comfortable commenting publicly.

Today I’m talking about allowing people who claim to identify as opposite the gender they were born as use the bathroom of the gender they choose.

Transgender feelings don't trump my safety

Many states have “gotten with the times” and passed bills that allow people who are genetically male or female from birth to use whichever designated public restroom they choose. If they were born genetically male, they can use restrooms reserved for women. If they were born genetically female, they can use the restrooms reserved for men. They just have to “identify” as the opposite gender. I’ve also seen this apply to locker rooms and changing rooms.

To some people these are duh bills.

But I just don’t buy it.

Why? Because I don’t think people’s feeling are what we should base laws on.

I was born a man but now identify as a woman. It hurts my feelings if you don’t let me use the women’s locker/changing/bathroom.

Their feelings may legitimately be hurt. And it’s not that I don’t care about their feelings. But do we stop to ask, “hey, what is this person actually going through?” What does it even mean to “identify” as the opposite gender? We don’t have extensive research on the science of a person who claims to be transgender. So why should we acquiesce to a single group of people’s desires while potentially putting everyone else at risk?

We can’t blindly accept this without seriously considering the consequences.

For example, I recommend reading What really happens when transgender person uses locker room. In this case, a man walked into the women’s locker room at a public pool to change. There were many women and girls inside, in various stages of undress (naturally because that’s what happens in a locker room). The man said “the law has changed and I have a right to be here”. But because he did not state that he identified as a woman, he was asked to leave. HOWEVER, “the man would not have been asked to leave if he had simply verbally identified as a woman“.

That is all it would take for any man to be let into a women’s locker room (in states where this is the law). Please let that sink in.

This paragraph struck me as well:

“But would the man’s statement have made the previously “alarmed” individuals suddenly comfortable with his presence? Would the man’s body have looked any different to the young girls as he undressed had he merely professed to be a woman? Would such a statement eliminate the dignitary, emotional, and psychological harms a woman suffers by having her unclothed body viewed by a man against her will? Of course not.”

This powerful piece from a rape victim tells us:

“[it’s] nothing short of negligent to instate policies that elevate the emotional comfort of a relative few over the physical safety of a large group of vulnerable people.”

And that’s where I’m at. I don’t think this conversation has to get to a philosophical or religious level, because it seems so obvious the abuse that can result from it. Do I have the perfect solution? No. Maybe we should think about making unisex restrooms. And we definitely need to have research done on what it means to be “transgender”. Because right now anyone can decide to identify as whatever gender they want. And that doesn’t seem like a reasonable foundation for our laws.

How do you answer this? What is your thought process?

To Life,

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Peace be with you

A lot of what we do is in an effort to try to control our lives. We pick the perfect school, what we wear, how we act, the car we drive, the job we have, the place we live . . . all to build up the life we want. We snap and ‘gram the moments we want to share. It’s fun, really, to create the life we’ve dreamed of.

And then we lie in bed at night and wonder what in the world we’re doing with our lives.

We’re in an age where it’s easy to be connected with hundred of “friends” and feel unheard at the same time. We take in so much information but don’t take the time to think. We’re caught up in the everyday things instead of thinking long term.

And it all eats away at our peace.

I’ve been working on this for a while and can honestly say that it takes a lot to truly upset me now. I can rant about politics or contraception, but I don’t go to bed feeling sick to my stomach about the state of our world. There’s something deep down that takes a lot to shake. And it’s not because I posses heroic virtue (HA!). I think the deep sense of peace I have come to is because of:

  • surrender
  • detachment

When we surrender our perfect ideas, we let God make our lives the beautiful stories we’re made to be. Surrender comes when we give up control, when we admit that our plans aren’t always what’s best for us, when we pray for guidance instead of making a headstrong decision. Do that! Instead of claiming that you know best, create peace in your life by asking for God’s direction.

When we become detached from material things, it brings so much peace. I don’t own a whole lot of stuff (which will change when it comes time for an apartment of my own) and I like it that way. Well, except for books. Thaaat’s a different story. I try to remember that my things are mine to share with people who don’t have them. Now this is not easy. I am NOT a pro. But when I do choose to let go of how I want something, it brings a lot of peace. Try giving someone else the best muffin, letting someone change your plans for the evening to something they’d like to do, or giving away something you like.

Those are a couple practices that bring peace everyday. Other things that bring peace are:

  • putting away social media
  • spending time outdoors
  • writing
  • reading
  • praying
  • being creative (such as crafting)
  • cooking
  • cleaning
  • listening to music

A wonderful book on the topic is Peace of Soul by Fulton Sheen – a book I highly recommend. Another good one is Choosing Joy: The Secret of Living a Fully Christian Life by Dan Lord (a quicker read).

Peace for me is about letting go. It’s taking a deep breath and recognizing that it’s okay if things don’t go according to plan. When they don’t, it’s often better than I would imagine. So give it a try, will you? Try along with me and let me know how it goes!

[Linking up with Britt Leigh to talk about what brings us peace as part of the Not Alone Series.]

And my last parting words:

“Listen, put it into your heart, my youngest and dearest son, that the thing that disturbs you, the thing that afflicts you, is nothing. Do not let your countenance, your heart be disturbed. Do not fear this sickness…nor anything that is sharp or hurtful. Am I not here, I, who am your Mother? Are you not under my shadow and protection? Am I not the source of your joy? Are you not in the hollow of my mantle, in the crossing of my arms? Do you need anything more? Let nothing else worry you, disturb you.” – Our Lady of Guadalupe

To Life,

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20 Tips when considering abortion

Dear women considering abortion,

I know there’s a lot going through your mind and heart right now. And I know there are lots of opinions out there about what you should do. When Madeleine Roe recently shared 20 Tips for Your First Abortion, she offered ways for you to (at times lightheartedly) cope with the reality of going through an abortion procedure. Here are my own tips, in no particular order, for you:20 Tips When Considering an Abortion by Laura @ A Drop in the Ocean1. Know that you are not alone. If your support system of family and friends have deserted you, know that there are workers and volunteers around the country who dedicate their time to walking with women during this critical time. You can connect with a center where there are people to support you by calling 1-800-712-4357 or texting “Helpline” to 313131 at any time.

2. There are many sources of information about abortion and pregnancy, but not all sources are created equal. You can view scientific-based information regarding your health and prenatal development at the Endowment for Human Development. Here are side effects and risks of abortion from the American Pregnancy Association, something to consider for any surgical procedure. Allow yourself to explore the reality of what is happening inside you, and what abortion does. Here are different types of procedures explained by the American Pregnancy Association.

3. You have time to be fully informed and educated decision. Do not allow anyone to tell you that you must make a decision quickly. Nobody should coerce you into making a decision. You have a lot of information to process, and many details to work out. You need time to talk to different people and look at the risks of each option.

4. Speaking of options, you have three: parenting, adoption, or abortion. Not all options are equal. Take a critical look and the pros and cons and consequences each option has for you and your baby. Parenting gives a child the gift of their biological parents, but sometimes the situation at home means it’s not the best environment for raising a child. In that case, making the courageous and sacrificial decision to give a child the gift of an adoptive family might be something to look into. You can reach out to organizations like this one to learn more about adoption.

5. Adoption might be the last thing on your mind and that’s okay. Any decision you make at this point will be hard on some level. And making the decision of adoption is not always the best decision for everyone. I know it might feel like a betrayal to your child to carry them and then give them to an adoptive family to love and raise. So know that I look up to biological moms who make the courageous and sacrificial choice of adoption. They give their babies an intact family when their situation makes parenting unrealistic. How courageous is that?

6. People do care about you, and this choice matters. Choosing what to do when you’re pregnant in a difficult situation takes time and support from other people. It will affect many lives, not just yours. So take time to lean on supportive people in your life, whether it’s your family or local people you found from #1.

7. Take care of yourself. Your life has drastically changed since getting that positive test. Whether this was planned or not, you’re now a mother! Contrary to what Madeleine suggested, binge drinking is not a great way to cope. Take some deep breaths and connect with people who can help. A massage might be a better option. Or treat yourself to a girl’s day and go get your nails done. Take a walk. Start a journal. Find a way to process your emotions in a constructive way instead of masking them.

8. Don’t assume the worst of your friends who are against abortion. Some of them might be jerks about it. If they are, they should read this to better understand what you could be going through. But anyone who truly cares about you and your baby will be there for you no matter what.

9. When weighing the prospect of raising a child during a difficult time, remember the joys of being a parent. Instead of just thinking about the snotty noses, costs of schooling, lost sleep, and inevitable back talk, remember the smiles and laughter of children. Think of holding your very own baby in your arms – the one you made sacrifices for to bring into the world. What an honor to be given this opportunity! So don’t don’t forget the costs. But also remember the benefits. Remember it’s worth it. Every person deserves to be loved in the way only you as a mother can love this baby.

10. Be honest with yourself and your support system. Parenting might seem ridiculously unrealistic to you. Say that. You might be scared as heck about adoption. Say that. You might only be considering abortion because it seems like your only option. That’s why it’s a good thing you have time to talk with other people and come to a conclusion. Get to the heart of why you’re considering abortion, and let’s see if there’s another way to solve that.

11. Science and technology are so advanced that you can actually see what’s going on inside you. But I bet you already knew that, because you’re smart. A heartbeat starts at around 21 days after conception, shortly after you found out you were pregnant. Isn’t science truly stunning?! Check out the Endowment for Human Development for an interactive prenatal development timeline.

12. In some states, you are required to be given the option of seeing your ultrasound. This is not a political agenda being forced at you, but science. There is a living embryo or fetus (depending on your stage of pregnancy) inside of you, and you deserve to know the facts. In fact, those are just scientific names referring to the little human that started off as a single cell. All that will change about them is their size, level of development, environment, and degree of dependency on you.

13. Pay attention to the little things. Does seeing babies inflict feelings of guilt or shame? Are you noticing families while you are out? There are so many emotions going on right now. Recognize them and own them. Little things matter as well as the big picture.

14. Some ordinary things will never feel the same. Whether it’s the metal bowl Madeleine mentioned or something else, many women will experience symptoms of PTSD after going through the sometimes scarring or traumatic experience of having an abortion. And that’s not just my opinion. Lots of women have shared their stories. You can go through all sorts of testimonies here.

15. Think long-term. Often times when parenting seems scary, it’s because your resources or support systems are limited. But depending on where you live, there should be resources to alleviate any difficulty you’re experiencing. Find a place by calling 1-800-712-4357 or texting “Helpline” to 313131 at any time.

16. The fact that we have articles telling us abortion is normal tells us it’s not normal. We don’t have articles giving us 20 tips for a hit and run or tips for your first rape. We intuitively know that some things don’t need to be justified.

17. Some abortion clinics could endanger your health. A couple summers ago, Planned Parenthood protested a bill that would make their clinics (where they perform surgical abortions) meet the same medical standards of ambulatory surgical centers. They didn’t want to be legally compelled to meet medical and safety standards. If I was having surgery, I’d want to be at a safe clinic. I don’t know about you.

18. If you end up going to an abortion clinic, there might be people on the sidewalk to support you. There might be rude people who yell at you too (and I would ignore them if I were you). But I’m talking about the nice ones. They have information about the best local resources. If I were there, I would have a flower for you and give you this letter I wrote.

19. This is a roller coaster. Stifling your emotions or refusing to confront the hardness of your situation won’t help. Allow your tears to fall. It’s okay to be mad and scared. It’s okay to not have everything perfectly figured out. That’s the beauty of people who love you. They’re there no matter what.

20. You deserve better than abortion. I’ve seen too many women hurt by abortion to consider for a moment that it’s just another routine medical procedure. You deserve to be loved by people who will see you through this. And you can do this. An unexpected pregnancy is that: unexpected. But people have gotten through the hardest of times and thrived. And you can too. Because you’re stronger than you think.

You are braver than you believe

And if you haven’t found a support system yet, you can always contact me. I am more than happy to walk with you for those first scary steps and help you find that support system. You deserve only the best.

To Life,

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When trust changes everything

When TRUST changes everything by Laura at A Drop in the Ocean

It’s kind of funny how trust changes everything.

I’ve been thinking about the future. A lot. But what’s new? With senior comps (ie. “what you do instead of a thesis”, “a test of everything you’ve learned for your degree”, or “no pressure”) later this month and graduation impending, saying the future is on my mind would be an understatement.

As many soon-to-be-graduates would say, it would be SO nice to have everything set in place right now.

But I don’t.

It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s not for lack of trying. And I’m kind of dying to know what’s in store.

Being in this position is somewhat terrifying as someone who tries to have my life put together. My heart rate does sometimes go up a little bit thinking about OH MY GOSH WILL IT ALL WORK OUT?!?! And yes, I’d like to ask God to swing WIDE open the door he’s guiding me to instead of leaving multiple ones cracked open just a little.

I’d like that clarity, please and thank you.

But clarity is not my prayer right now. Because in reality, I don’t think we often know for certain exactly what we’re supposed to do. We might have an inkling. Sometimes a choice does seem obvious. But mostly life is about learning to take the next step when God calls us to, even if we’re blindfolded. It’s choosing to step out on the tightrope, even when we know we could fall.

It’s learning to trust that no matter what happens, God’s got our backs.

This Lent, I’m not giving up coffee or Facebook. But one of the things I am doing is reading through Rediscovering Jesus. Because that’s what I want to do. That’s what I need to do. I need to remind myself that there is a purpose in life, and that purpose is to get to heaven. If my life isn’t ordered toward that, then other stuff doesn’t matter.

One line that stuck out to me this morning was “God is always waiting on us. Sometimes we may think we are waiting for him, but that is never true.” BOOM.

So this Lent, I’m not thinking about all the things I’m waiting for (okay, trying not to do that), or what I can get out of it, or keeping a checklist of every single thing you must do to make it the best Lent ever and be a good Catholic. I’m trying to focus on the transformation of Lent, better conforming my life to God’s will, and asking myself what things I’m still holding on to that I need to let go. That’s the goal after all, isn’t it?

Kathryn’s reflection this morning is much of what’s in my own mind. Lent isn’t about the checklist and seeing just how penitent we can force ourselves to be.  It’s about reminding ourselves of our need for God and changing our lives to reflect that. As the first reading tells us today:

“Even now, says the Lord, return to me with your whole heart”

That’s what I’m up to: trying to return my heart to the one who created it. I’m praying for trust, and for all the intentions I’ve been given – that we all would learn to find that peace of surrender. That we would remember the beauty of our faith, of God who created us, and of this season. If you have any intentions I can remember, comment below or contact me. How has your Lent started out today?

Here’s to a new beginning.

To Life,

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Hello and trust

Until checking recently, I had no idea it’s been nearly 3.5 months since last sharing something in this space. There’s no excuse because there’s no requirement for blogging, no apologies because I was still living my life. Instead, there’s an older me, another semester under my belt, more life experience, and finally a new blog post.

It’s good to be back.

Junior year was more difficult than senior year has been thus far. The future was an abstract concept, and something I couldn’t do anything about.

Now that senior year is here (and half over!), everything is different. Life post-graduation is an impending reality. Friends will be missed, college will be reminisced, but I’m beginning to appreciate that there’s so much to look forward to this year of transition as graduation, jobs, and moving out of my childhood home become a reality.

Last year I chose “abandon” as my word of the year. The idea was to let go of the “perfect” plans I made for myself and abandon myself, surrender those plans and timing of them, to God who knows what is best for me. Easier said than done, I tell you.

Spring semester I was worrying about the future and not wanting to be a bossy, strong, independent business woman. Summer saw me through two internships. Then it was senior year. BAM. Worries came and went. Would I forget something on my forms and be prevented from graduating? Would a job work out? Will I be able to find a car quickly? What about an apartment? How horribly painful will finding a new social group be?

So. Many. Variables.

Getting over the variables and accepting that everything’s going to work out somehow is something we probably all struggle with to varying degrees at different times. But I finally do feel an immense sense of peace about the future. I came to appreciate that God does not abandon us. He will not leave me hanging or homeless. I won’t automatically have a job I hate. What I will always have is a God who loves me and looks out for me.

And there’s not much else I truly need.

So this year I’m not making a bunch of silly goals that won’t happen. I’ll work on being healthier, reading and writing more, and my prayer life . . . but mostly I’m going to work on trusting God more.

2016 is my year to work on trust.

It’s going to be a year of huge transitions. People are going to come and go. Situations are going to change. Many things will be new. It will be hard sometimes, exciting at others. But through it all:

I know the plans I have for you says the Lord

I am hopeful for this year because it doesn’t all depend on me. I don’t have to perfectly plan every last detail of my life because there’s a master plan already. It doesn’t give me license to be lazy. No way. Hard work is the only way to go. But you’ll find me praying and working harder to give my trust to the Big Guy who not only knows everything about me, but knows about my future too.

Through trust, I can choose to let go of worry and control and let my faith be bigger than fear.

Let your faith be bigger than your fear

Have there been times in your life when you let go of situations, trusted that God had a plan, and things surprisingly (ha!) worked out better than expected? Share away in the comments. Let’s talk about trust.

To Life,

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