Author: Laura

7QT, vol 70: Immigration

~ Laura ~ 5 Comments

These last few weeks, I’ve sat back and watched debates and insults and virtue signaling raging like a California wildfire. Immigration is something I rarely post about due to how complicated it is and how relatively little I know compared to other hot button issues. But I have some thoughts to share.

1.

Immigration policy is not a question of dogma. As a Catholic, there are some non-negotiable issues I am obligated to hold a certain stance on. However, immigration is not one of those. It’s an issue of what we call “prudential judgement”. This means that our opinion should be the conclusion of prudent consideration, and reflect the truth of our faith, but that there is legitimate room for disagreement in what exactly that looks like. There’s just no way a universal Church could come out and tell the world one way everyone has to handle immigration. Because of this, I 100% reject the idea many of my fellow Catholics have expressed in saying “if you’re a real Catholic” you HAVE to think this way or think it should be handled like X, Y, or Z. That’s not true. There are some things you can legitimately disagree with even your Bishop or Pope about, and this is one of them.

2.

That being said, there are some basic tenets of Catholicism that should be part of our prudential judgement. For example, we recognize that every person is made in the image of God and thus warrants dignified treatment. We have escalating issues with this at our southern border that have been going on for years. We have drug trafficking, sex trafficking, kidnapping, killing, raping, and of course the violence some flee from to America. As a country in our position, I think it does little to solve the problem to only address the surface issues at our borders. No country should be so dangerous that people feel they have to flee for their lives. And in our relative position of power, I wonder what we could do to aid countries in solving their corruption. Do we have an element of responsibility there? Can we help fix it? I honestly don’t know. But I think it does little in the interest of reaching a long term solution when this isn’t part of the discussion. Yes, people deserve to be treated right. And if that isn’t happening at home, it needs to be addressed at the source.

For example, Mexico has been recognized as the second most dangerous country in the world, and their murder rate rose by 23% to a record high in 2017. New President-elect Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador campaigned on an anti-corruption platform, and I sincerely hope violence there and elsewhere is reduced.

3.

What about separating kids from families? Of course it sounds horrible. But what I fail to see included in the cries from so many about this is what we should actually do when families cross the border illegally. It’s inhumane to rip a child from his or her mother without just cause. So now we detain them together, which is complicated since children can only be held for 20 days. Or we go back to the utterly failed concept of “catch and release” where families are released into the US with a court date they don’t go to. Or we just send everyone back. None of those sound like sustainable options to me, so I’m honestly at a loss for how I think it should be handled.

4.

There’s also the issue of asylum. We have ports of entry where people fleeing violence in other countries can come to seek asylum. This is perfectly legal. I think this makes sense. However, I read that the system is backed up for over a year. That’s crazy, and I think requests for asylum should be processed much quicker. Is that possible? Why is it backed up in the first place? I don’t know. And I imagine it’s difficult to process these requests quickly. If that could be expedited in some way so people sincerely seeking asylum could realistically go through the proper channels, it would help grant asylum to people who actually need it.

This brings up another issue: some people choose to circumvent the legal way of claiming asylum, and give it as their reason for crossing illegally when caught. Are some using it as an excuse? Do some not know how to do it legally? Is the system so backed up it doesn’t work to do it legally? I don’t know. But I do know you can’t just blanket together all people claiming asylum. The way to do it legally should be a straightforward enough process to make it possible for people who need it.

5.

Here’s another distinction I don’t usually see: My personal responsibility to other individual people looks very different than my country’s responsibility to individual people. There’s no doubt our immigration process is broken and people have been mistreated. There’s also no doubt we need to treat people with dignity. However, what that looks like on a national policy level is different than how you or I would respond to a person right in front of us. It is not violence to the dignity of a human person to have a strict process for entering another country. It is not a mortal sin to say we can’t take everyone. The process should be straightforward and realistic. But it is not unreasonable to have rules and boundaries in protection of our country. I know people illegally crossing the border aren’t all horrible people, and I think we’ve done a huge disservice to them by letting things get to this point.

I think a big part of our problem is that the legal way to do it is backed up and the way we’ve treated illegal crossing of the border has given way to an underground market of thousands of people doing so everyday.

6.

So what do we do now? The fact remain that there are thousands of people living in the US without legal citizenship. Of those with salaried jobs, many use fake social security numbers and are paying into a system they will never reap the benefits of. How would one become a citizen? This is what I read:

Before you can request to be a legal US citizen, you have to be a Lawful Permanent Resident (“green card” holder) for five years. There are currently three ways to apply for that:

i) Family-based petitions. A US citizen or Permanent Resident parent, spouse, adult child, or sibling files a petition for you, which takes 1-22 years to process.

ii) Employment-based petitions. A US employer can sponsor you, but only if you are in a profession requiring an advanced degree or unique skills. The potential employer generally has to prove that they made good-faith efforts to hire a US citizen for the position, but no qualified applicants applied.

iii) Diversity visa lottery. The US government annually selects 50,000 people who enter a lottery and pass background checks to enter as Permanent Residents. This is available to people from countries that traditionally send few people to the US – so, people from countries such as Mexico, the Philippines, China, Guatemala, India, El Salvador, and other countries that send larger numbers of immigrants to the U.S. do not have this option.

Does this seem realistic for people who are already here illegally? Nope. I think we clearly need a better process here. I think it makes sense to give people the options of a realistic path to citizenship, leaving, or knowing they may face serious consequences for not being a legal citizen.

7.

The more I hear about immigration, I realize that I used to see it as more of a black and white issue. Obviously people should just get in line and come here legally, many say. And yes, that’s true. People who break just laws should incur the consequence. But we need a better system. We need a quicker way to determine if people are truly seeking asylum. We need violence fixed back home. We need a more realistic path to legal citizenship. We need congress to get their butts in gear and agree on a bill to pass.

But one last point: not all moral issues are equal. It is always gravest to protect our fundamental right to life, the first basic right we are endowed with by our Creator. Any attacks against it are the gravest battles to fight. We are not all called to fight every battle, and that is okay.

Immigration is not the most important issue to squabble over. It’s still important to be informed and work toward better policies, but not all problems have the same priority. You take your gifts and skills and use them to better the world. I will do the same. We are no less human, no less Catholic, for choosing where to focus our world-changing efforts. I don’t mean that in a callous way, but we’ve got to be realistic.

As I said in the beginning, I don’t talk about this often because it’s so complicated. And as you can see, I still have many questions. But I wrote and rewrote this many times, sincerely sharing what I know and think. I welcome your civil discussion, and really am interested in discussing this more.

For more quick takes, head over to Kelly’s place!

When God’s generosity meets the demands of conscience and science {Freedom’s Calling, part 7}

~ Laura ~ 9 Comments

Today, please welcome Leslie Sholly for the final and seventh part in Freedom’s Calling – my series commemorating Humanae Vitae’s 50th anniversary and sharing the journeys of Catholics who have come to understand and embrace the truth of its teaching. For more information on the series, you can read part 1 here, part 2 here, part 3 here, part 4 here, part 5 here, and part 6 here.

~

I’m a cradle Catholic, born in 1967. And I recall hearing a lot about the birth control pill growing up. I doubt I had any idea how it worked, but I had the general impression from the books I read, the media I consumed, and the people I knew that taking it was just what people did.

I knew that Catholics weren’t supposed to use contraception, and I personally knew many families who appeared to take that teaching to heart. In my Catholic school at that time there were still many big Catholic families with seven kids or more. However, in twelve years of Catholic education I don’t recall EVER hearing this teaching explained. The Church, as I experienced it, taught it was wrong but not WHY. I definitely had the impression that this was some old-fashioned idea that was safe to ignore.

As I became more educated about abortion in high school, I learned about the abortifacient potential of the birth control pill and IUD. It was easy for me to see that those forms of birth control were wrong since they could end the life of a newly conceived baby, but there were still plenty of other non-abortifacient methods of contraception. Maybe the filmstrip about Natural Family Planning we watched as high school seniors referenced the teachings of Humanae Vitae, but all any of us heard were the embarrassing references to cervical mucus.

I did not live against this teaching, but only because there was no opportunity for me to do so. I remember having conversations about birth control with my college roommate and even looking at what was available in the local drug store. I didn’t have a boyfriend and I planned to wait until I was married anyway, but I figured I’d need this information in the future.

When I was a junior at Georgetown University, I took a course called Christian Marriage as part of my minor in Theology. I had been dating my now-husband for over a year then, and it was already pretty well understood that we’d be getting married when I graduated. Taking that class felt like a good step in preparing for marriage, but I had no idea how life-changing it would be.

This class was taught by a Jesuit priest named Father Kaifer. The texts I recall were Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm, The Art of Natural Family Planning by John and Sheila Kippley, Certain Declarations Concerning Sexual Ethics by the Sacred Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, and Humanae Vitae by Pope Paul VI.

Somewhere earlier in my life I had picked up the understanding that I was free to follow my conscience if I did not agree with Church teaching. But no one had ever mentioned the necessity of properly forming my conscience first. And oh, did my conscience start pricking me more and more as I read through these books! How I wish I could go back and thank Father Kaifer. He must have been a very clever man to teach us why contraception was wrong and then, no doubt anticipating our arguments on the necessity of using it, to supply us with a solution in the form of Natural Family Planning!

Discovering the teachings in Humanae Vitae marked such a turning point in my life that I can remember exactly where I was when I was reading it. My husband, John, is from Baltimore, just an hour away from Georgetown. We had gone to his hometown for the weekend, and I was sitting inside studying while John was outside helping with an oil change. I remember being excited by what I read, thinking WOW! The Church doesn’t just make stuff up! It makes sense! There are reasons! But at the same time I was filled with discomfort and dismay, knowing that my conscience and my then non-Catholic boyfriend’s were not going to be in tune on this issue.

Here’s where The Art of Natural Family Planning saved the day. When the uncomfortable conversation that I was dreading took place, I was already armed with an alternative to artificial birth control that not only satisfied the demands of conscience, but was backed by science and was aesthetically superior to barrier methods as well. He reluctantly agreed that when the time came we would try things my way.

I charted my fertility signs for an entire year prior to our wedding. We were blessed with a phase III honeymoon. It would make a better story if it ended right here, but the fact is that our practice was less than perfect, AND I turned out to be super fertile, which meant that we welcomed three babies in four years. There was friction and disagreement and periods of dissent for a couple of years before I finally recommitted to what I knew was right.

My advice to anyone who struggles with this teaching: Start by reading Humanae Vitae, please. You cannot dissent from something you don’t fully understand. Then take an actual class in Natural Family Planning and get your spouse on board. We never did that—I was self-taught AND I took on all the responsibility for it. I can’t go back, but if I could that’s something I would change.

Online support groups or forums weren’t really a thing back then either, and I’m sure they can be very helpful to anyone who is struggling today. I know that there are sometimes life-and-death reasons for avoiding pregnancy, but if that’s not your situation I’d also like to add that you are far more likely to regret not having more kids than you are to regret having one you didn’t expect. We have a six year (planned!) gap between our third and fourth children, and I often wish there was another child in the middle of that gap. Leave room for God in your family planning, and He will give you the grace to live according to His design. He can never be outdone in generosity.

I describe myself on my blog as Catholic and Southern, Wife and Mother, which gives a quick but accurate snapshot of who I am and what is important to me. I was born and still live in Knoxville, Tennessee. I graduated from Georgetown University, majoring in Honors English and minoring in Theology, and meeting my husband in the process! We have been married for almost 29 years and have five children aged 13-27. In addition to blogging, I work at home as my husband’s legal assistant, and write grant proposals and do editing for a non-profit run by my mother. In the past I’ve worked as correspondent for our Diocesan paper and I wrote a column on life issues for several years. I was a charter member and long-term chair of our Diocesan Respect Life Committee, via which I helped to design a pro-life CCD curriculum, sponsored a conference on end-of-life issues, and gave many talks on abortion. My blog is now my primary ministry. My niche is hard to define because I write about what I care about, which covers a lot of territory: Faith, Politics, Education, Parenting, Graveyards, Gardening, Hiking, and the occasional recipe or product review!

You can find me on:
Facebook
Twitter
Instagram
Pinterest
Google +
Tumblr

Want more of this series?

Part 1: My Introduction

Part 2: Celebrating the responsibility of our creative power with Amy Thomas of Catholic Pilgrim

Part 3: Self Control and Our Ultimate Mission with Kristi Denoy of Hail Marry

Part 4: The Ripple Effect of Chastity in my Life with Katie Herzing of Becoming Perfectly Myself

Part 5: Moved by NFP with Heidi Indahl of Work and Play, Day by Day

Part 6: Freedom in Surrender with Laura Durant of Healing Heart of Jesus

This brings the series to a close. Thanks very much for your ongoing support of these important conversations!

7QT, vol 69: Politics, painting, and Guam

~ Laura ~ 9 Comments

1.

Have you been keeping up with the news lately? Like many people, I got used to news coming from what friends and pages post on Facebook. But that’s obviously biased depending on who you follow, not to mention tiring and incomplete. So recently I asked for podcast suggestions for fair daily news! Here are three I’ve been listening to mostly daily, which I recommend:

The Daily (New York Times): this is the most biased of the three and I do slightly roll my eyes at times. But it’s mostly fine, and usually goes deeper into one topic than try to cover all of them equally. It’s a little over 20 minutes.

The Newsworthy with Erica Mandy: she covers a nice variety of topics and stays factual, which is awesome, in under 10 minutes.

Up First (NPR): this is pretty similar to the last one in that it covers a wide variety, but is focused a bit more on politics. It’s usually around 10 minutes.

Do you know of others to suggest?

2.

On a more personal note, last weekend I hosted a paint and sip! I’ve been hosting monthly game nights/get togethers to meet and get to know local young adults with my sister (which have been met with extremely variable results). We painted along to a Bob Ross episode, which I think was a great format. The one we did was called Mystic Mountains if you want to try your hand. Here’s my finished product!

Other things I’ve been up to? Sharing Freedom’s Calling – a blog series commemorating Humanae Vitae’s anniversary with real life stories! We only have the final post left. Can you believe it’s already almost over?! Check out the first in the series here, and you can go from there to each one. Would love to hear your feedback.

3.

The Supreme Court was BUSY this week. They decided 5-4 that pregnancy resource centers here in CA could not be forced to notify clients of where to go for state-funded abortions. Does that not seem obvious? I find it chilling that four justices don’t see a problem with compelled speech. Justice Kennedy did not mince words. He said:

“It does appear that viewpoint discrimination is inherent in the design and structure of this Act [the law SCOTUS repealed]. This law is a paradigmatic example of the serious threat presented when government seeks to impose its own message in the place of individual speech, thought, and expression. For here the State requires primarily pro-life pregnancy centers to promote the State’s own preferred message advertising abortions. This compels individuals to contradict their most deeply held beliefs, beliefs grounded in basic philosophical, ethical, or religious precepts, or all of these…

The California Legislature included in its official history the congratulatory statement that the Act was part of California’s legacy of “forward thinking.”. But it is not forward thinking to force individuals to “be an instrument for fostering public adherence to an ideological point of view [they] fin[d] unacceptable.”

[Read the whole piece right here starting on page 25.]

4.

Oh, and speaking of Justice Kennedy: Did you hear he’s retiring? This is huge since Trump will likely appoint a more reasonable and moderately-minded judge than one Hillary Clinton would have. I know many people who voted for Trump despite their reservations on his character did so for precisely this reason (though I didn’t vote for him or Hillary), and I’d honestly feel pretty validated right about now if that were me. This will certainly have a significant impact in coming years.

5.

Aaaanyway. Okay, last political thing for now: immigration. I’ve been watching and reading about it all. I even wrote out a long 7QT, but decided not to publish it. I just find the issue incredibly nuanced and difficult, and most people incapable of thinking or speaking about it reasonably. And I’d like to be a reasonable person. Would you like to discuss next week? I might make it next week’s 7QT, but enjoy how these are usually more fun. Let me know if there are any certain aspects you’d like to see addressed.

6.

Super exciting summer plans: do you have any? I usually don’t do anything crazy big, especially now working full time. BUT. Next month I’m going to the island of Guam with a sister and my grandparents (where they’re from). I am so pumped to see all the family history and experience the culture and meet relatives and visit what will probably be the best beaches I’ll ever see. I can’t even believe it and will definitely be sharing some pictures after the fact.

7.

Oooh! I didn’t share about the recent quick weekend trip to Mount Shasta. It was quite gorgeous, and a great place for fresh air in the mountains. 10/10 recommend getting outside more.

This is a view of Mount Shasta from the shore of nearby Lake Siskiyou. I walked around the entire lake (~7 miles) with a friend, which was so peaceful and nice.

That’s it for now. For more 7 Quick Takes, head over to Kelly’s place. Tell me all about your summer, recent reads, trips, and politics in the comments here!

Freedom in Surrender {Freedom’s Calling, part 6}

~ Laura ~ 13 Comments

Today, please welcome Laura Durant for part six in Freedom’s Calling – my series commemorating Humanae Vitae’s 50th anniversary and sharing the journeys of Catholics who have come to understand and embrace the truth of its teaching. For more information on the series, you can read part 1 here, part 2 here, part 3 here, part 4 here, part 5 here, and part 7 here.

~

I grew up in the Catholic faith. At about age 14 I was given the standard “sex talk” (i.e., sex was meant for marriage and not before), but there was no mention of contraception. I started using the pill in high school, due to irregular and heavy menstrual cycles.

I was unaware of the Church’s teaching on contraception (including within a spousal relationship) until probably in my late 20’s, when we began marriage preparation. As I slowly learned more about Church teaching in this area, I received mixed signals. For example, I knew devout Catholics who said it was okay to use the pill while married to space pregnancies.

As part of our marriage preparation, my husband and I had education on Natural Family Planning and learned the true teaching of the Church on human sexuality. Even then, I had a priest assure me I was not sinning by continuing to use the pill to avoid conception, as my husband and I at that time didn’t feel we were ready to have children right away and I was not confident in our ability to use NFP to avoid pregnancy. Having a priest, who must certainly know the truth, assure me I was not sinning eased my anxiety and fear that I was living in sin. I lament at how much damage is done by misguided priests, religious, and lay persons who do not speak the truth of the Church’s teaching on marriage and sexuality. It confuses the faithful and those who desire to live by Church teaching but are struggling with it.

Continuing to use the pill did great spiritual damage, as I was not completely surrendering my marriage and my fertility to God. It also did emotional and physical damage, which I would not fully become aware of until a couple of years later when we felt we were ready to children.

Having used the pill for as long as I did caused challenges with my reproductive system and it took close to a year for my menstrual cycle to return to normal once I stopped taking it. I was blind to the spiritual void I was living in by not allowing God completely into our marriage. However, God is good and seeks to redeem us in our woundedness. This is an area He continues to provide great healing in each day.

We began to embrace Church teaching more fully, and began charting again. We visited the Vitae Clinic in Austin to determine the reasons behind our inability to conceive. I found the many tests and treatments exhausting and stressful, but always had a sense of peace that I needed to experience this. The staff and care at the Vitae Clinic was truly loving and compassionate.

After some time undergoing unsuccessful treatments, it was with a great sense of peace that we decided to discontinue actively pursuing pregnancy and leave our fertility in God’s hands. Since coming to live in full conformity with Church teaching on sexuality, we continue to give ourselves fully to each other and to our marriage. It is a continual process and requires ongoing discussion and discernment. Life is more fulfilling and our marriage is flourishing spiritually. We really do focus each day on helping the other to grow in holiness.

My advice to people struggling with this topic: Go to the source and learn what the Church teaches. Read the official documents. Do not rely on others to tell you what the Church teaches.

Inevitably, there will be some things about Church teaching that will concern you, challenge you, and you will not understand. Take all this to prayer and tell Jesus the areas you are struggling with. Ask Him to show you the truth. Learning to live with Church teaching will not always be easy, but as Christians, we are to live as Jesus did and Jesus’ life was not easy! Do not be afraid, as Jesus will give you the strength needed to live out your life as He wishes, even if it is difficult.

If you are in a marriage where your spouse is having a more difficult time with accepting and living out Church teaching in this area than you are, do the best thing you can do for them – pray for them and trust in the Divine Mercy of Jesus! Ask Him to show you how to love and accept your spouse for where they are. He will transform their hearts, just as He is transforming yours. Trust in His mercy! Trust in His love!

Early in my journey of understanding Church teaching, I began reading the Theology of the Body by Christopher West. I did not read the actual full document of Humanae Vitae until recently. I can’t help but wonder how my life may have been different if I had been exposed to this teaching in my teenage or young adult years.

I’ve enjoyed reading books by St. Pope John Paul II, including Love and Responsibility (by then Karol Wojtyla). I would also suggest reading the Song of Songs. The Song of Songs does not detail Church teaching on marriage and sexuality, however, many see it as a portrayal of ideal human love, also of the union of Christ and the Church – which is what marriage between a man and a woman should symbolize on earth. I believe until we fully understand what God intends us to experience in this union, the true extent and degree of joy we are to experience in our hearts, it can be more difficult to live out the Church’s teaching on marriage and sexuality. The Song of Songs is a beautiful portrayal of mutual love in which the lovers give of themselves fully and completely.

The teaching of the Church leads us to experience this love in the way in which God intends us to – in complete freedom and as a total gift of ourselves to the other. Once we understand in the depths of our hearts what God intends, it is much easier to live with the sacrifice that comes with living out the teaching of the Church on marriage and sexuality. If we live out our marriage with total giving of ourselves to our spouse (or to the Church and God’s people, as a priest, religious or single person), it is a life that comes with experiencing pure joy, not expecting anything in return for the total gift of yourself, but somehow receiving more from your spouse (or from the Church and God’s people) than you could ever ask for.

Laura Durant blogs at HealingHeartofJesus.com. She is married to her husband of 10+ years, and is the mother of two fur babies. She enjoys spending time with Jesus in Adoration, pondering His mercy, healing, and many blessings.

She is a cradle Catholic Christian and member of the Secular Order of Discalced Carmelites of the Province of St. Therese (Oklahoma Province). In living her Carmelite spirituality, she has been brought to a greater love of the Immaculate Heart of Mary and the Sacred Heart of Jesus. The fruit of her devotion to the Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary are the prayers and reflections she writes – which lead all to rest in the Heart of Jesus.

She received her bachelor’s degree in Psychology from the University of Texas at Austin, and a master’s degree in Professional Counseling from Texas State University – San Marcos.

You can connect with Laura over at her blog, Facebook, Facebook group, Instagram, and Twitter.

Want more of this series?

Part 1: My Introduction

Part 2: Celebrating the responsibility of our creative power with Amy Thomas of Catholic Pilgrim

Part 3: Self Control and Our Ultimate Mission with Kristi Denoy of Hail Marry

Part 4: The Ripple Effect of Chastity in my Life with Katie Herzing of Becoming Perfectly Myself

Part 5: Moved by NFP with Heidi Indahl of Work and Play, Day by Day

Part 7 (the end): When God’s generosity meets the demands of conscience and sciencewith Leslie Sholly of Life in Every Limb

JPII, champion of true femininity

~ Laura ~ Leave a comment

Does being feminine mean you have to be sporting florals and be a delicate wallflower doing crafts? Nope. But what does being feminine mean? It’s hard to define since the technical definition just vaguely references “qualities specific to women”. Does the Catholic Church actually value women? Absolutely. I think my fellow contributors have made good points about femininity this month that help clarify.

Click here to read my post on femininity over at Everyday Ediths today! I included some epic words from JPII, which I hope encourage you.