Category: Faith

Gay Marriage: How can love say no?

~ Laura ~ 4 Comments

This post is part of the Love Wins series – a series of posts covering topics within the issue of gay marriage. The goal of these posts is not to convince anyone to think what I think, but to create a conversation and explore the topics together. I am not an authority figure on this issue, and will not always approach this from a highly academic perspective, but am writing as a Catholic young voice seeking the truth. I hope you’ll follow along and be part of the conversation!

Love Wins A series on gay marriage

Let’s start at the very beginning, shall we? You probably know that the Catholic Church teaches that gay marriage is wrong. To kick off this series, I thought it would be good to talk about why.

Before a Catholic wedding, the couple is asked:

“(Name) and (name), have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?”

“Will you honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives?”

“Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?”

The couple then vows to take the other person “to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

Those are pretty big promises if you ask me.

These vows mean that the couple has promised to freely live in unity with the other person through the highs and lows of life while honoring each other and welcoming children (the result of their union) until their marriage bond is broken by one of them dying.

The male and female body, which are made for union with each other, have a language of their own. In the total giving of themselves to each other, they are saying “I am completely yours. You are completely mine. We are one now, and possess a bond forever that is unbreakable.” Naturally, children are a result (barring any struggle with infertility). And this unity is made concrete through the promises made to each other by taking marriage vows.

This is why the Catholic Church cannot, does not, and will not, recognize the union of two people of the same gender as marriage: it is simply impossible.

The female body was not made for union with another female body, and the same for men. It is naturally impossible. This is self evident. It’s not a rule made up by old white guys. It’s biology. The self-giving type of love demanded in a marriage from the Catholic perspective is impossible with two people of the same gender.

Well, so what?

If two people love each other, who cares if they’re able to have kids, right? It’s a legitimate question. But in response, I have to ask: Is the feelings of two consenting adults the only prerequisite to marriage?

The questions couples are asked before the wedding aren’t about their feelings. And that’s for a reason.

It may sounds horribly unromantic, but marriage through the eyes of the Catholic Church isn’t just about living a blissfully sexy life with your chosen partner.

It’s about getting each other to heaven.

THAT is why gay marriage cannot, does not, and will never exist within the Catholic Church.

It’s not because we don’t want people to be in love. It’s because love is about so much more than pleasure.

Now don’t get me wrong. Homosexual couples seeking to have a recognized union aren’t necessarily seeking it solely for pleasure. I’m sure many of them value marriage. And it’s absolutely true that many heterosexual couples out there, even within the Catholic school of thought, seek marriage solely for pleasure’s sake.

That doesn’t make either case right.

The Catholic Church, in her wisdom that is so very hard to understand sometimes, has taught many hard truths since the beginning in regards to love and marriage. And it’s all because life isn’t about getting what we want.

As someone who is writing from a religious understanding, I have to include Jesus’ words that if anyone wants to follow him, we must take up our crosses and follow him. We all desire things that won’t help us get to heaven, things that are disordered. And that’s why we have to pick up the struggles we have in life and run after the only one who can fulfill our heart’s desires.

Maybe your struggle is with homosexual attraction. Maybe it’s an eating disorder. Poor body image. Addiction to porn. Lack of motivation. Loss of loved ones. Debilitating illnesses.

But encountering these struggles and being told “no” to the easy way out doesn’t mean we’re wrong or that your life isn’t worth living. It’s just harder than expected.

You may still be wondering how in the world we can consider this position loving. How can telling someone “no” to a desire so integral to them be okay? How dare we do such a thing?

I’d just like to remind you that the Catholic Church doesn’t single out those with homosexual attraction. She says “no” to sex outside of marriage, divorce, pornography, cohabitation, and contraception. All of this is to help order our love most toward what is good, beautiful and true. This is why anything outside the truth the Catholic Church stands behind is “disordered”, per se, ordered toward something other than what we were made for – another topic for another post.

All of this to say, we love and stand behind the goodness of every human person. We all make mistakes. We all mess up. And gay marriage is one of those things the Church is rather clear about being a mistake. That’s because love hurts sometimes.

Mary put it beautifully when she said recently:

“Yes, sometimes love hurts. We don’t go seeking pain in the name of love, but when the pain inevitably comes, it doesn’t mean it’s not real love. It just means that the time to witness to the depth of your love has arrived.“

The depth of the love of the Catholic Church says that we don’t always give people what they want. That’s a tough pill to swallow, but love always wins. Stay tuned so we can chat about more topics within the issue!

Connect with me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Bloglovin’ or by email to follow along during this series. And help spread the conversation by sharing this post!

Gay Marriage How Can Love Say No A Drop in the Ocean

To Life,

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Images via Hartwig HKD and netzanette on Flickr.

Further reading: Considerations regarding proposals to give legal recognition to unions between homosexual persons

The Third Way – how the Catholic Church proposes people with homosexual tendencies approach life

Gay, Catholic, and Doing Fine – why one young, gay, man is in love with the Catholic faith

Why do I remain Catholic?

~ Laura ~ Leave a comment

Once upon a time America was a place where mostly Christian values were the norm. But today some would argue that we’re doomed. Just look at our society, and any marginally active Catholic could probably tell you how hopeless the horizon appears.

Some people throw their hands up in frustration. Some avoid the issue altogether. We could complain about a whole lot, that’s for sure. But I’m not here talking about the pitfalls of Catholicism. I’m here to talk about why I remain Catholic.

Being Catholic is part of who I am. It always has been. And unless the apocalypse actually happens and my mind is altered or removed, I plan on it staying that way.

I didn’t always know a whole lot about my faith. Nor have I always cared as much about it as I do now. I think not knowing a lot about your faith helps you to stay in that state of indifference. But once you realize the beauty of Catholicism, the encounter it is with God Himself, there’s no turning back.

From personal testimonies I’ve read, it seems that a lot of people who leave what they think Catholicism is have never experienced true Catholicism. Perhaps they were poorly brought up in the faith. Perhaps they knew a bad Catholic (not like any of us are actually perfect examples) who scarred them. You name it.

But once a person experiences the person of Jesus Christ, your faith becomes more of a love affair than a theory (fist bump to G.K. for that quote).

And that is why I remain Catholic.

It would be “easier” in a way to give in to society, I suppose. I mean, it’s a ton of fun to get drunk on Fridays, wake up hungover, do drugs, sleep around, whatever it is that non-religious people use to fill the God-sized hole in their hearts, right?

Nope! Of course, I can’t speak from experience. But I’m fairly certain that the fun I’ve had in college is way more fulfilling than getting drunk and hooking up.

And it’s not because I am a dainty wee woman who likes being ordered around by old white dudes.

I am Catholic because life doesn’t make sense without God. To say we’re the result of anything else beside a genius of a Creator seems ignorant. And since everything I’ve learned shows me that the fullness of truth about God is found in the Catholic Church, that’s why I’m here.

I am Catholic because there are absolute truths, and I believe this is where they are found in their fullness.

I am Catholic because even though people are imperfect, the Church has and will stand the test of time on the rock it was built on.

I am Catholic because the trials of life don’t make sense without the cross.

I am Catholic because no other expression of faith offers you the opportunity to encounter God in the presence of the Eucharist.

I am Catholic because God loves me, and He loves you too. And he wants to be a part of all of our lives.  Would you like to explore my home?

To Life,

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How to be a saint (but not get eaten by lions)

~ Laura ~ 4 Comments

Not all of us are called to have our heads chopped off or be eaten alive by lions like the saints of old. But all of us are called to be saints in one way or another.

How to be a saint

Lately I’ve been thinking about what that means. To be a saint nowadays might mean martyrdom for a few people, but for most of us, it’s probably not going to come to that. Most of us are going to lead somewhat ordinary lives getting some sort of an education, having some sort of job, probably raising a family, etc. You get the gist of it. Most of our lives are pretty ordinary. But all of us are called to an extraordinary mission.

This mission is to be a saint, to be the salt and light of the world. It’s going to look different for different people, but the common denominator is this: being a saint means giving until it hurts, loving without boundaries, and living with a higher purpose.

Sainthood101

Giving until it hurts means letting go of our plans and giving God the room to lead us where He made us to go – no matter how tough that path may be. This also means giving of ourselves in service to other people and the greater community. Loving without boundaries means reaching beyond our comfort zone into whatever situations we face and meeting people where they are at. And living with a higher purpose does not mean we’re doing this because we’re more awesome than other people. It means doing all this not for ourselves, or to look good, but because it is right. And giving is better than receiving.

But golly gee, that is WAY easier said than done.

It’s easy to watch just one more episode of something or have a second cookie we don’t need. It’s easy to justify not exercising after a long day of work. It’s easy to look up from social media and wonder where two hours went. It’s easy to forget to pray. Overall, it’s just plain easy to get by in life.

But those things are not going to make any of us saints.

I don’t want to just get by. I want to thrive. I want to say “no” to things that don’t help me become a saint. And I want to say “yes” to things that help me become a saint until it becomes a habit. I want to be more purposeful about how I spend my time.

So that’s why I’m creating a personal mission statement.

Yes, it’s somewhat cheesy. But I’m dead serious about wanting to become a saint. It’s what we’re all called to! Because of that, I’m going to use this statement as a guide. If something doesn’t match the guidelines, then too bad. It’s not happening. And if something does match, and does make me a better person, then it’s happening – even if it’s hard.

Failure will happen. But at least I’ll be closer to what I should be doing.

That’s how I’m going to work on becoming a saint: evaluating what I do and saying “yes” and “no” to the right things.

Yes, it’s kind of a duh moment. Shouldn’t I be doing this anyway? Yes, but writing this out forces me to be mindful. For now this is taking a concrete step toward being more intentional about my time on this side of heaven. And that’s what you can do too! Have you ever thought about defining what your mission in life is?

So here you go. You can click here to visit my new personal mission statement page.

What you think? Share your thoughts in the comments, and shoot me an email if you want to chat about what helped me create this.

Cheers to a purposeful life! And who knows? Maybe your life will involve lions. Maybe not. I can’t guarantee it won’t come to that. But maybe it’s something else that’s keeping you from being awesome. Identify it, and make it your mission to overcome it.

Conquer Yourself Augustine

Today my step toward sainthood is reminding myself that we’re created with a purpose. This is mine. What’s yours?

To Life,

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Image via Pius Mahimbi on Flickr.

Letting go of the perfect future

~ Laura ~ 5 Comments

Before this school year, never had I ever laid on a table close to tears lamenting my future.

But then junior year happened.

Starting off year three as a college student, I was excited to be starting the second half of my college experience. Now I had less time in front of me than behind! It’s exciting to be an adult and independent. But it’s also rather terrifying sometimes . . . like when you realize you don’t really want to do what you set out to do.

I came into college without declaring a major. Psychology was in the running. I still find it fascinating, but did not want grad school to become a necessity. For some time in high school, I considered nursing. But I didn’t want to deal with the higher levels of science. I didn’t want to do something like Theology because what in the world would I do with that?

So I chose business management. Then I decided my goal was to run a pregnancy center.

The other day I had to dress in business attire for a presentation. And it just felt wrong. Even Lin our lovely mother away from home at the cafeteria looked me up and down because it’s not like me. I wear skirts and cute dresses and sandals now that it’s getting warmer.

But there I was in my heels and pencil skirt.

It makes me feel powerful, in a way: walking across campus put together like the strong, independent woman society tells me I should be. But the whole time I wanted to rip it off. I don’t want that. I don’t want to look down on people from up high on my heels. I don’t want people to think I have it together all the time, because I really don’t.

I don’t know where my life is going after realizing that I don’t want to work in the corporate business world. Even the non-profit world can leave me feeling a little less human. And I wasn’t made for the coldness of a cubicle.

Which takes us to the whole laying on a table lamenting my life that happened at some point last semester . . .

You might wonder why I would share something like that. It’s somewhat awkward, but 100% real. If I were to sit down for coffee with you, it’s the same story you would hear because it’s the real me. And I share because many classmates speak of the same thing. Many of us have experienced doubt this school year, and questioned our plans for the future.

The path I’m supposed to take still isn’t crystal clear. Sorry, there’s not an easy solution. But what I do know is that no matter what the specifics of my future look like, what I am called to do right now (and at every point in my life) is to give of myself. That’s expressed in different ways at different points in a person’s life, but in the end,

“He will look at our hands to see if they have been scarred from giving, our feet to see the calluses from travel to preach His Gospel, and our side to see if we have loved to a point of sacrifice. Woe to us who come down from Calvary with hands unscarred and white.” (Fulton Sheen)

Are my hands scarred and my feet callused? Are my knees rough from praying for others? Is my heart so bursting with Christ’s love that I never hesitate to share it? Are my eyes sore from watching out for others, my back aching from working for the true, good, and beautiful things of this world?

That’s what I’m supposed to be doing right now: loving people wherever they are and seeking God’s will.

Love without measure - St. Francis de Sales
St. Francis de Sales

 

Even though I don’t know what God’s will is all the time, what I do know is that I’m called to give until it hurts. Giving isn’t about how much you give, though. It’s about how much we have left. You know that parable where a poor woman gave all the money she had, even though it was a tiny amount? What she gave wasn’t a lot. A rich person could have given many more dollars.

It was about how much she had left: almost nothing in the world. With trust, she gave almost everything of herself knowing she would ultimately be taken care of.

So today my prayer is for the grace to be able to love until it hurts, to trust with abandon, to give until my hands are scarred, and my skin burned from laboring in the the fields I’m led to. Because it’s there that I’m meant to be: where my passions and talents meet the needs of the world. I don’t know where exactly that is yet, but I know for certain I’m in for an adventure in this year where I’m trying to abandon myself to God’s will.

Let your faith be bigger than your fear
Author Unknown

 

Fear tells me to worry about the future. Faith tells me God knows the plans He has for me. They are plans for me to prosper and thrive. If He could just tell me what the heck the plan is, that would be great. But that’s too easy! So I’m going to keep on working, giving, and serving – trying my best to do what I’m called to do in this moment and leave the worries of the future in the hands of Him who will help me work them out.

To Life,

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NAS: Lent Check In

~ Laura ~ Leave a comment

2a6ed-not2balone5

 

We’re more than half way through Lent… how’s it going?! What did you decide to give up/take up? Did you make any spiritual goals? How have you grown thus far and how do you hope to make the most of the remainder of the season?

This Lent started with what I realize now were rather *ahem* ambitious goals. I hung them up as my “Lent 2015 Plan for Bossness” on the wall next to the sink where I brush my teeth. I even went so far as to type out a Lenten holy things to-do list for each specific day of the week. I printed them out, crossed things off for a week or so . . .

And now those little papers are sitting (untouched) in my stack of papers.

Figures, right?

Pretty much anyone who looked at my goals would know they were ridiculous. And I should have known it too. I did somewhere in the back of my head. God must have been chuckling a bit knowing instead of being a total boss at my epic plan, he would give me opportunities to be humbled.

To be honest, I was incredibly burnt out heading into spring break. Trying to be a boss at Lent and doing so many of my normal things at the same time can tire me out at times. And it did. In many ways.

From school I went home for about 24 hours because of a wonderfully generous offer to fly me back to meet people and make work connections. It was a lovely, packed, day. After that I took my first red-eye flight and then 3 more legs to New York to spend a week+ on a college student retreat and service work program run by the Sisters of Life outside of NYC at a retreat house.

And you know those times when you just know you’re where you’re supposed to be? This was one of them.

It felt pretty crazy to fly clear across the country by myself to spend 10 days with people I had never met. The flights were stressful because of some being delayed and having to sprint to make the next ones. I was so worn out that I ended up in tears at some point. On a plane. Thankfully I was able to pull myself together and made it to the lovely retreat house.

I was completely disconnected from the internet for the week (which was expected). And when I checked my phone at night, I gloriously didn’t have 20 texts to attend to. This time was truly a gift I was more than happy to take advantage of.

It was beautiful to have time to forget about homework and remind myself of what is important in life. We helped at many places around NYC, including a place for the homeless and one of their convents where pregnant moms stay with them. We went to Mass and did liturgy of the hours with the sisters each day. And a holy hour most days.

That time in adoration was calming and refreshing. I needed it. During the 1.5 day long of silence (as a retreat), I seriously spent 6 out of like 21 hours in the presence of JESUS. Oh yeah! And I was so struck during that time how much God loves me. Personally. As Laura.

Throughout the week, the sisters and the talks just kept affirming the worth of the human person. And so many times people touched on our worth for who we are (children of God created in his image), not what we do. We need to be more, not do more, they said. And that’s probably when God chuckled again and I got another serving of humble pie.

It was fabulous.

I’ve written on those topics and put much of my time into affirming other people. But over this break I realized how essential it is to maintain this level of contentedness within myself. After all, we can’t give what we don’t have, right? I had been going into debt trying to give what I didn’t have. So…

I just sat there and basked in Jesus’ love. It’s pretty amazing, folks, how he loves us unconditionally. It was one of those times where I was reminded how faith is an encounter with Jesus, not just something in my head. To know I am loved put a smile on my face.

And now, looking at Lent, it seems like a total failure because I haven’t done everything I said I would. But you know what has happened? One of those times of conversion of heart. I could have just floated on clouds when it clicked how much I am loved. If I could whistle, I might have done that going down the hall to bed. But I can’t whistle. So scratch that.

This Lent has had its ups and downs. And I am so thankful for both. What a glorious thing it is to know more deeply God’s love!

To Life,

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P.P.S. Go say hi and thank you for hosting to Morgan & Jen!