In the last couple years God has opened so many doors for me. I could never, ever, have expected my life to be like this even 4 years ago. At that time, I was in musicals and plugging along in high school: not really passionate about much, or knowing where I wanted to go with my life. But then.
Then, folks, I found the pro-life movement.
It hit me when I was in a sea of people at the West Coast Walk for Life in 2011. There was something bigger than myself out there, and that was when I first discovered it. Since then I’ve been immensely blessed with opportunities to work with and for incredible people. I’ve read so many books. And I am constantly learning more online about all sorts of faith, life, and womanhood topics. Now I write about them. I’ve found my passion.
But I still couldn’t get over the fact that I have failed at so much.
This summer I worked more hours than I ever have before, but I also experienced boredom unlike I have before. It was kind of weird because I go, go, go. Being busy drives me and motivates me. I am a doer, a leader, and someone who gets things done. So it was unusual to have time on my hands. Looking back, I certainly know I wasted some of it.
Then I thought “What if my life ended tomorrow? What would I have to show for everything God has given me?”. It was kind of a paralyzing realization. I’ve read Matthew Kelly’s books, so the concept of becoming the best version of myself wasn’t a foreign concept. I knew we’re all made for greatness. But I never really did much about it.
Many people have made comments about how awesome the work I do is. And yes, I have served lots of other people and learned so much. But it’s all because of the opportunities God has given me. It was nice to hear, but it never really felt true. I was organized, sure. And passionate about life. But did you know how messy my desk can get? Or how I forgot to hand in an assignment? Or how I wished I could do so much . . . but never did it?
Well, that’s over.
It’s not because I had a revelation about making my life efficient and figuring out how to do ALL the things. Nope. I began praying a lot. I asked God to use me for whatever purpose he made me for, and for him to guide me in becoming the best version of myself.
And oh my goodness. I’m sitting here at almost 2am writing because I am just so dang excited about LIFE.
I’ve struggled a lot with making myself do what I already know I should be doing. I know I should take time to pray, and exercise, and eat better. And now I am.
Everyday of the week, I’m getting up at 6:15 to exercise before class or work which start at 9am. Because I can. And I should. I’ve signed up for adoration two times a week. Because I can. And I should. Classes are going pretty well without procrastinating on homework. Because I can. And I should.
Yesterday morning I got up before the sun, threw on workout clothes, and blasted some soul-searching “Edge of Glory” as I headed out of my dorm. I jogged around the track and for crying out loud I couldn’t stop smiling. The sun was gorgeous as it rose, the wind (which wasn’t too humid yet!) was blowing through my hair, music was blasting, and peace. It was so peaceful. When that peace happens, I know God has given me a little glimpse into what his will for me is.
He wills for me to be dare to live me life abandoning my will to his. He dares me to live life on the edge of glory, fearlessly pursuing the plans he has for me. He dares me to spend time on what really matters, and to never give less than my best.
I am done giving less than my best. That is not who I am. I am a daughter of God, and he has better plans for me than procrastination and wasted time. His plans are so great that I can’t even imagine where I’ll be in another 4 years. It’s exciting, terrifying, and more than anything? Exhilarating. Pursing excellence and greatness is exhilarating. You know that little burst of energy you get while running when you want to stop, but then the most epic song comes on and you’re ready for another mile? Yeah, that’s what it felt like yesterday morning. And it felt right.
Mediocrity isn’t enough. So this is my pledge to do better. To continue to do better. To strive for greatness. After all:
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P.P.S. You know what’s really funny? After writing this last night, I slept through my 6:15 alarm for the first time. And now I’m cracking up because God has a sense of humor about the timing of this apparently. 🙂